I Don't Want to Settle

If I have the choice of being unhappy with somebody and being alone, then I choose being alone. Sure, I would love to meet a guy, but I don't want to settle. I want somebody who is energetic, passionate, and fun. And, until I find that guy, then I'm okay with not being with anybody.

I like my alone time. It's peaceful. Do I get lonely? Sure, I do. I'm just way past the point of being with somebody just to be with somebody. I want more. I want an amazing guy, and I know I can find him. 2009 was so hard for me. I spent every day of it, wondering why it was so tough, why I was so miserable, why I couldn't find the connection I needed, no matter how hard I looked. The truth was I was looking in all the wrong places: the guys with whom I got involved this past year didn't deserve me, and they took me for granted and wasted my time.

2010 is around the corner, and it's going to be a good year. I'm positive, and I have a great feeling that wonderful things are coming my way. I'm older, wiser, and I don't want to waste my time anymore with men who play games, manipulate, or fail to see how fantastic a woman I really am :-)

When Love Makes You Miserable

For a few months I was in love with somebody. I'm not sure why, or if I was really in love with that person, or if he was even the person I thought he was. Now that I've stepped back from this situation, I realize that I didn't know him at all. He didn't want me to know him.

He played games, he kept me at arm's length at all times, and he had never stopped loving his ex. Needless to say, I was miserable. I had so much love to give, and yet he wasn't the one to give it to. He didn't deserve it anyway.

The last time I saw him, he mistreated me, and it broke my heart, because I had always been so good to him when he was at his lowest point. Sometimes loving somebody hurts, and I stopped loving him to finally make the pain go away. And it did.

Model Featured: Tom Stapledon

I'm Back, Bitches

Yikes, it's been a while since I've posted. The last four months have been anything but enjoyable for me. I got caught up in a bad situation involving a guy I really liked, and I will definitely write about it soon. I'm out of it now and stronger than ever. I'm going to chalk it up to another learning experience. I should've known better, and I should've never got involved knowing the situation, but I did. Sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees.

Anyway I'm glad to be back, and I promise to start posting more. I have a lot to say. These past few months have taught me some very hard lessons. It's a new day, and I'm feeling good: out of the darkness and into the light.

Let Them Eat cake.

There's a new cake shop in Lexington, MA called "cake." They feature a line of delicious cupcakes and beautifully crafted dessert and specialty cakes. The menu features a chocolate lover's dream cake, "Midnight Delight", a dense fudge cake filled with chocolate pastry cream topped with a generous dollop of chocolate buttercream icing; a sweet vanilla bean cake filled with rich pastry cream and topped with Ghiradelli chocolate ganache, "Black Tie Affair", a southern red velvet cake topped with a luscious cream cheese icing, "Red Carpet", along with several other tempting flavors.


Check out Cave Cibum's review for Cake in Lexington, MA.

Also, check out The Cupcakes Blog

Chowhound Review

Bad Advice

Lately, I've been checking out some online advice sites/forums, where women discuss their love issues. I'm blown away by some of the negativity and coldness of some of this advice other women give each other. There are a lot of inane "he's just not that into you" statements, which is fine if you're Greg Behrendt and you're saying this four years ago, but this is 2009: can we please come up with another catchphrase? Please!

These women come online because they're in stressful situations with the guys they like, and yet, the other women on the site are completely insensitive and make nasty, judgmental statements. My mom always taught me that there is a way to say everything in a nice way. I'm really sick of reading various women's questions and the non-thinking, trite answers that soon follow.

I've been giving advice for years, whether it's been to friends, co-workers, family, etc, and I can tell you the moment you start saying "You know what you should do," then you're already doing it wrong. People ask for advice because they don't know what to do; they have turned it over in their minds over and over, and by asking you for an opinion, they are showing you that they really need help.

So, why make them feel bad about themselves? Why turn condescending on them, or act as if you are judging them? Be their friend, listen to what they have to say, and most importantly, be gentle with their feelings.

I read these websites, and I'm horrified by the brutal "tough love" approach taken by these women: women, who I might add, have probably made the same mistakes, have been heartbroken, cheated on, or are in horrible relationships. And yet, they act as if they are better than everybody. "He's just not that into you!", they exclaim. Dump him and move on. Ok, great advice. However, never once do people take into account on how hard that can be sometimes.

A woman who is in love with a man or living with a man cannot just dump him and move on without really tearing apart her life, not to mention her heart and soul. So, why be so harsh?? Isn't there a way of saying these things without being so insensitive and cruel? The whole point of giving advice to somebody is to make them feel better, not worse. I'm really disgusted by these despicable, heartless bitches who don't understand that.

If You Don't Log Into Facebook Everyday...

Lately, I've been checking out some relationship advice forums, and one of the things I've noticed is that women will blame a guy not logging into Facebook for one or (gasp!) two days on "he must be going through something". Umm, maybe he's busy, or maybe he found something better to do than update his Facebook status, or maybe he knows you're a psychopath who's cyberstalking his every move online.

Why Is It?

Why is it I only get texts from a guy that I want nothing to do with? I don't want to see him, hang out with him, talk to him, etc., and yet, he won't get the hint. It's been two months now, since we had our first and only date. Leave me alone. Stop texting me. Stop asking me about the guy whom I told you I was seeing (to get you off my back). We're not friends, so move on. I'm just not that into you.

This guy never gives up, and it's really getting on my nerves. I deleted him from my Facebook, and then the fool tried requesting me again. Who does that?! And, then every couple of weeks, I get some asinine text from him. It's starting to piss me off. I think if he texts me again, I'm going to tell him off.

I don't mind being single. It's not the best, but it's tolerable. But for the love of all that is holy, please make this idiot go away. The last text he sent me, I ignored. I've been ignored a million times by guys. This is my way of paying it forward, I guess, ha.

Worse

What's worse than having to deal with your friend's cheesy, gag-worthy hourly status updates about how great her new boyfriend is on Facebook?

Answer: Being subjected to her equally annoying boyfriend's status updates on how amazing his girlfriend is.

Seriously. Knock it off.

Sharks with Laser Beams and Now This

I love that this picture was taken at a Doubletree hotel.

(Via Passive-Aggressive Notes)

It's Britney Bitch, and She's President

(NY Mag via The Huffington Post)

Mad Men, Season 3 Poster

Does it really get any better than this?

Nobody Cares How Much You Love Your Boyfriend

As much as I love Facebook, there's a part of me that despises it with a deep passion. There are many reasons for this: the stupid comments my relatives leave from time to time, people who send me angel requests and virtual drinks, people from high school I couldn't stand then and I don't care to know anything about now, but the thing that irks me the most are the annoying morons who have to flaunt their relationships on their status updates.

If you use the term "sweetie", "my man", "the best boyfriend/husband ever", or "the love of my life", you should die in a fire. Nobody cares how much you love your fat, Natty Lite-swilling, underachieving gamer boyfriend. Your friends don't care, and most likely, your family doesn't care either. Nobody does. Your relationship is between you and your significant other, so leave it that way.

Now, enjoy some of the best STFU Marrieds has to offer. God, I love this blog.

(Click on the pictures for larger images.)

Best comment: These people must be 16 years old as evidenced by use of the word "schlong".


Best comment: Yeah, i kind of wish their names weren't blurred out so i could befriend Jill and Chuck on facebook because of their awesomeness.


Best comment: "no romance without finance"
Sounds like she wants to discuss mutual funds in bed.

Colette's Favorite "Love" Tracks

This one will make you want to grab a sexy guy and hold him close. Trust.



Delline's vocals give me chills.



This one will make you dance with that special guy in your life.



I love this one because it's kind of forbidden and sexy. There's something slightly erotic about it.

Just Friends

My mom has a theory that there's no such thing as a guy friend, just somebody who was, or still is interested, but he got caught in the friend zone, and now you two are buddies. I'm not sure this can be said about all male/female relationships, but there are the select few instances where this theory holds true.

You meet a guy, and he likes you, and because you're a friendly person, you're nice to him, and then he sits around and bides his time hoping (a) you'll see how amazing he really is (b) realize that what you've been searching for is right under your nose, or (c) hope to get you so wasted that you lower your sober standards and have sex with him.

This so-called friend will linger for months, even years, just waiting for you to choose him. 9 times out of 10, you do not end up with him. Sure, there are people out there who fall for their best guy friends, but it's rare.

The worst part is when you do like some other guy, he will act like a needy, jealous boyfriend. And forget about trying to hook up with somebody around him because he brings a whole new meaning to the classic "cock block". This guy will go out of his way to keep you from hooking up with this person. When finally you have to step in and say "Ok, cut the shit."

He acts as if he carries the secret lock to your vagina. This is why you have to be blunt, and if it means hurting the guy's feelings, then so be it. You can't let somebody ruin your happiness because jackass didn't get the hint 8 months ago that you two were only friends and nothing else.

So, how do you keep these friends from coming into your life? The key is to look for the warning signs right off the bat. Red flags are:

- overly helpful
- makes it annoyingly clear that he's attracted to you, despite you changing the subject
- when you talk about other guys, he puts them down
- texts and e-mails constantly through the day and night
- never dates anybody
- makes comments how you need a "real man"
- calls himself "a nice guy"
- is always trying to spend alone time with you
- makes snide remarks to the guy with whom you're interested, but passes it off as he's joking (he's not)

Communication is key. You control this friendship, so if he steps out of line, then it's your job to straighten him out. Don't let anybody make you feel uncomfortable. And if your friend can't respect your boundaries, then tell him to hit the bricks. Trust me, there are men out there who are able to manage a friendship with a woman without it bordering the line of stalking or sexual harassment. "Just friends" means just friends.

Rude People on Cell Phones

Hey Rude is one of my favorite blogs, and it features submissions from annoyed folks who come across rude people on their daily travels. People on cell phones drive me nuts. Because every jackass on a cell phone in public doesn't realize or care if he/she is bothering the people around them.

I especially like it when somebody talks loudly, so that everybody can hear his/her conversation. Hey Rude has a perfect example of this total disregard for other people. Can you imagine being stuck at the nail salon being forced to listen to this waste of a human being.

(Via Hey Rude)

Narcissus Called and He Says You're In Love With Yourself

Throughout my online dating adventures, I was contacted by a guy who was extremely attractive, intelligent, and successful. He was the total package, except for one major flaw: he was completely in love with himself. I have never seen anything like it before.

He sent me an e-mail, and I responded, and then he waited quite a while before he responded, several days in fact. However, I would see that he was viewing my profile here and there. It was strange. Usually once you respond to somebody's e-mail, that person does not hesitate to reply back, but he did.

Finally, he replied. And then we chatted on IM. He asked me what attracted me to him, and I said that he was "cute". He was offended by the comment. He said that he was used to women "throwing themselves at him". He said that I didn't seem that into him. Hi, I don't know you! We just started talking! So, the only thing I could go by was the profile and his pictures.

Against my better judgment, I agreed to meet him for drinks. The plan was that he was supposed to e-mail me during the work day and we would iron out the details of the date. He never e-mailed me at work, so instead of waiting around like somebody's lap dog, I made other plans with my roommate.

That night around 8, he called. I let it go to voicemail. He sent me a message through the online dating site. He wanted to go out. I told him I had plans. He told me to cancel them. I told him no, and then he said that he had a back-up date. However, he continued to insist that I cancel my plans. I refused.

He said that if I really liked him, then I would cancel. I didn't. I don't break plans for assholes. In fact, I don't break plans for any guy. I had a life before him, and just because he's in the picture, doesn't mean I have to alter my whole world for him.

The funny thing about this particular guy was the fact that if he was so fantastic and women were throwing themselves at him like he insisted they were, then why was he cruising the online dating sites looking for available women? He claimed he was "selective", but a lot of guys say that to make the woman feel special. These men usually aren't that picky: they're desperate.

In the end, despite this guy's good looks, he became increasingly unattractive to me. He was an arrogant asshole who really thought he was a gift to all women and that they should actively pursue and chase him. F that. I will never chase a man. It's not worth my time or the effort I put into it because whether he realizes it now or not, the one he will end up falling for will be the one whom he pursues.

Can Somebody Smack This Woman?

There's this website called "STFU Marrieds", and I'm completely in love with it. Because I'm so fucking sick of seeing boring ass Facebook status updates from annoying friends who go on and on about their married lives. I have one friend in particular who constantly updates her page with comments about how she misses her "man" when he travels on business. STFU. He's probably cheating on you. This is the same one who used to have a t-shirt that said "I love my boyfriend". People like this need to be smacked upside the head. Seriously.


(Click on the picture for a larger view)

(Via STFU Marrieds)

Photoshop Disaster: Britney's Candies Ads

She looks like a wax sculpture from Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. Everything about these ads are artificial and strange looking. It's as if they took some random photos of Britney and superimposed them into various pictures.

(Via D Listed)

The Pick-Up Artist Gone Wrong

The other night, my roommate and I decided to grab some drinks at a local bar up the street from us. We sat down at the bar and ordered a couple of Coronas and about twenty minutes later, two guys walked in. Before we knew it, one of them came over to us in a frenetic, yet extremely awkward manner and blurted out: "If you could give up one thing, great food or great sex, which would it be?"

The worst part was he stammered because he was obviously nervous, which made my roommate and I feel really uncomfortable and embarrassed for him. In fact I was cringing, and I couldn't even answer his poll question or whatever it was because my mind had gone blank. The situation was sad, and he obviously felt humiliated and soon left the bar with his wingman aka the silent, timid guy standing next to him.

I decided to research the PUA (Pick-Up Artists) opening lines. Now, just picture some guy coming up to you and a friend, asking you these stupid questions.

Settle this bet for me, ok? If you KNOW you will never get caught, is it cheating?

Guys, quick question. What's hotter: a tattoo, or a piercing?

Do you guys know any good places to dance around here?

Guys. I have a really important question for you. Like, fate of the world stuff. You ready? Bacon? Or ham?

OK, I need help settling this argument. Guys or girls: who kisses better?

How about instead of all this hoopla, a guy comes over with some confidence and a smile and says hello and asks you how your night is going so far. Simple is good. Women respond well to friendly and confident. They don't want to be polled or surveyed. You have a much better chance of striking up a conversation acting normal than you do coming across as a bad TV game show host.

Colette's Club Track of the Day: I Hate This Part

Since I love club music, and I'm a former club girl, I thought it would be fun to feature a new club track for all the ladies who love to dance to this kind of music.

I Hate This Part: Pussycat Dolls (Digital Dog Remix)

My So You Think You Can Dance Obsession Continues

This Mia Michaels' contemporary routine from So You Think You Can Dance is one of my favorites from this season. I've only watched it about ten times. I'm obsessed! It's called "The Butt Dance, and once you watch it, you'll understand why.



(Via Rickey)

Just Say No To Dudes on the Pole

(Via Passive Aggressive Notes)

Dancin' The Night Away

Last night, I went out dancing with my cousin, who just turned 21, and my best friend and her friends. We had a blast dancing the night away. I realized how much I've missed it. It had been so long since I had been out to a club. I felt alive again for the first time in years.

My ex and I had met in the club scene, and we fell in love because we shared the same taste in music and love for everything related to the scene. When our relationship started falling apart, we no longer went out, for a variety of personal reasons, even too personal for this blog. We stopped having fun with each other.

It made me think about relationships and how the only way they work is if a couple makes the effort to constantly work on them. It takes communication, compromise, and being able to have a good time with each other. Once those things are gone, then there's nothing left. Love cannot survive if those two people build a wall between each other, whether they realize it or not.

We no longer danced the night away with each other, the way we used to when we first met and fell in love. We no longer hugged each other, or told each other how much we meant to each other, and most importantly, we stopped having fun together. We became enemies and strangers living together. The last year of our relationship was like living with the ghost of what we used to be. I was constantly depressed and beat myself up because I couldn't make the relationship any better.

I lost myself. My spirit was broken, and I stopped going out and dancing, something I had been doing for a good ten years, if not more. My failing relationship took over my life. Last night was the first time since my break-up where I actually felt like my old self again. I danced the night away, but I also found a piece of myself that had been lost for a long time. It was an amazing thing.

The "I Still Live at Home" Guy

I'm always baffled by these clueless and dependent (see: Mama's Boys) dumbasses. They're always in their late 20s to early 30s, and it's always for the same reason "I'm saving money for a house." No, they're not, but it sure does sound good. And they always put a good spin on their living situation: "Oh, I have an apartment downstairs." Umm, last time I checked this was called your mother's basement. If your mother has to knock before she comes down to do laundry, then it's a basement. If your mother has to call down the stairs for you to come up and eat dinner, then it's a basement.

These men always have decent jobs, and they seem to have their shit together: they don't. They're completely dependent on their mothers. Their mothers do everything for them: cook, clean, make their beds, tie their ties, and do their laundry (of course!). These guys have been babied and breast fed well into their 20s, and they're not weaning off the teat anytime soon. If you date one or worse, end up with one, you will be their new Mommy.

If you meet one of these, don't waste your time. They're immature, financially retarded, and have no understanding of the adult world as we know it. There are many guys out there who have apartments, pay their own bills, and even make their own beds, so why bother dating ones that don't? Save yourself the aggravation. Date real men, not boys.

Rapid Rob and Lessons in Attraction

As many of you know, I've been doing some online dating. Recently, I posted an ad on an online dating site. A guy with the e-mail name "Rapid Rob" replied to my ad. His e-mail was the standard "I'm awesome, and this is why" e-mail, which is great, but to me, physical looks are the first thing I look for. I think physical attraction is very important, especially when online dating.

If I don't like the way you look, then I'm probably not going to like you in person either. Call me superficial, but this is just how I roll. Rapid Rob sent me a picture, and it wasn't that good: he was standing on the beach with his nephew (see my article: The 10 Guys You Meet Online where I list the "Children/Dog Lover Guy"); he was wearing a baseball cap, and it was tough to see what he looked like.

If you have hair, then I want to see it, and if you don't, then I want to see that, too. Show me your face without hats or sunglasses partially covering it. As my friend always says regarding guys' online dating profiles: "I'm going to find out eventually what you look like, so you better show me now. You're not hiding from the paparazzi. You're trying to get dates."

From what I could see of Rapid Rob, I didn't like. I wasn't attracted to him (it happens!), and I never e-mailed him back. Rapid Rob has obviously never been rejected before, because he chose to e-mail me the following:

very surprised i never heard back from you. i mean, it's certainly not like your out of my league physically. if anything, i'd say i'm a little out of yours.

oh well, your loss!

To which I responded:

Well, first of all, you didn't send the best picture. I really can't tell what you like while you're wearing a baseball cap, even when I zoom in. Second of all, consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to slum it or lower your standards with me. You obviously think you're pretty amazing. Good luck with that.

And then RR replied back because he's a clueless asshole:

in other words, you were concerned i might be bald or losing my hair--which i'm not by the way, but the mere fact that you place such a high priority on hair shows how superficial you are. i mean, we're not 21 anymore...

And then, I e-mailed him the following:

This is obviously your first time doing online dating because you're completely clueless to the unspoken rules. Newsflash! Not everybody is going to be attracted to each other. If I ignore your e-mail, then just move on, don't continue to send me e-mails, making snarky comments. Your pic was not good because your face was partially covered by the hat... Duh! Now, go harass some other girl. I don't date vaginas and that's what you're acting like.

Of course, RR had more to say, because he always has to have the last word:

boy, i guess i dodged a bullet with you!....
i'm going to make one point and then i'm done: people tend to pair up with those who are about on their level physically in terms of looks. i pointed out that from a purely objective standpoint, you are NOT out of my league. we're both about a 7.

i see a lot of unrealstic women out there, and i think you are one. i'm handsome, but it's not good enough; you want (and think you can get) a super-handsome, hot man who has all sorts of other wonderful qualities too.

There were a couple more e-mails where I basically told him to go on Match.com, and then I said that there would be women who would think he was the bees' knees, and he had to send one snarky e-mail back about how Match was full of "fat and unattractive" people, and that's probably why I would never go on there. Little does he know that I have a profile on Match. But whatever, let Rapid Rob believe whatever he has to, to help him deal with the fact that there was a woman on this planet that was not attracted to him. Seriously, get the fuck over it! If you can't accept rejection, then you shouldn't be dating.

And, what's up with the name "Rapid Rob"? I told my friend that the name made me think "one minute man". Am I the only one who thinks this way? It's not a good name if you're trying to attract women to date. I also love his comment about how he "dodged a bullet" with me. Umm, I never threw a bullet his way, because I WAS NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM.

Can you imagine going through life, expecting that people you believe to be equal to your "attraction rating" should be automatically attracted to you? It's no wonder why this guy is single at 37. He's a bitter, delusional man who doesn't understand the world of dating or even the laws of attraction. I wish him all the best, and I truly believe that some woman out there will see him and think he's the bees' knees. Fortunately, it wasn't me.

I Wanted to Talk to You, But I Had to Take a Sh#t

Have you ever been just minding your own business, when all of a sudden, you realize that you have to take a shit really bad? Well that's what happened to me this morning.

It was around 8 AM today (Thursday) when I was sitting on Metro North and got that horrible feeling. I wasn't even sure I'd make it to Grand Central. Unfortunately, taking a shit on the train was out of the question. Have you ever seen a Metro North bathroom? My only choice was to sit there an pretend nothing was a matter.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally arrived at Grand Central. I made my way to the front of the train so I wouldn't have to deal with all the people on the platform when I got off. It was at this time that I realized that taking a shit in Grand Central was also out of the question. I think there is probably about a 75% chance that you'll get hepatitis if you try to take a shit in Grand Central. My only choice was to try to make it to my luxury Chelsea office where we actually have sanitary bathrooms.

Now it's probably about 8:10. As I'm running down the stairs into the subway, I notice the downtown 4-5-6 platform is exceptionally crowded. The conductor of the 5 train announces that the 5 train is out of service, and all passengers must leave the train. It must be Murphy's Law in action.

I walked across the platform to get on the downtown 6 train when I saw you standing next to me. You were probably about average height for a girl, brown hair, black or dark blue jacket, green skirt, brown boots, and a great smile.

ON ANY OTHER DAY, I would have swept you off your feet. If you were to ask any of my girlfriends in the last few years, they would probably tell you that I just came up to them on the street, in a book store, in the subway, etc, and said, "Hi," before proceding to charm the a smile out of them. But today was not my day. There was no way I could have confidently talked to you while at the same time pretending nothing was wrong with my bowels.

Anyway, we both got on a very crowded 6 train. I was holding on to the pole for dear life, and you were holding on to the same pole standing across from me. I'm 5'11", brown hair, athletic build, and I was wearing jeans, a blueish t-shirt, and a black jacket. I think you got off at 28th St, but I was in no state of mind to keep track. It could have been 33rd or 23rd.

When I finally reached my office, I ran up 4 flights of stairs (because I couldn't wait for the elevator) and made a beeline to the bathroom, unzipping my pants as I opened the door. I swear, if I had been delayed by even a second because I tried to get your number in the subway, I would have had to call someone to bring my some new clothes. I barely had my pants down when it forced itself out. I ended up using entire industrial sized roll of toilet paper. You have no idea how raw my ass felt after using that much 1-ply sandpaper-toilet paper. I think the toilet itself is in therapy now.


***Summary***

You:
Took downtown 6 from Grand Central
Brown hair
Black (or other dark color) jacket
Green skirt
Brown boots


Me:
5'11"
Athletic build
Dark blue jeans
Blueish t-shirt
Black jacket
Normally extremely confident
Fears public bathrooms

Via Best of Craigslist

I Went on a Date Friday...

I'm about 95% positive that this guy was on something. He was swaying, fumbling around for his money when it was time to pay the waitress for our two drinks, and he was talking complete nonsense and he was constantly rolling his eyes. I'm guessing he was under the influence of Oxycontin or some kind of painkiller. He was a mess. I left after two drinks, and he was almost passed out on the bar.

He texted me yesterday to apologize, saying that he hopes that I could forgive him. He said that he had been drinking with his friends. What was he drinking, Absinthe?! GHB maybe? I've seen drunk people and I've seen people on drugs. I'm going with the latter.

Sadly, he was the cutest guy I had been on a date with in a while.

This is the ridiculousness of my love life.

I'm Coming Back Soon

I miss this blog. I'm getting a computer within the next couple of weeks. I'm on my roommate's right now.

I have many ridiculous online dating stories to share. Life as a single girl is like Alice in Through the Looking Glass: it's one weird scenario after another. At this point, I don't know which end is up, but it keeps me entertained, if anything.

I will be back...very soon.

Lots of Love,
Colette

The Craziness Continues

This month has been absolutely insane. There's been so much going on in my life. This past weekend, I went to NYC to hang out with two of my favorite people in the whole wide world. It was amazing, and we had such a wonderful time. My girlfriend, Jaime, and I stayed at my friend, Ash's place in the upper East Side. We spent every night at a famous NYC hangout where old-school celebrities, authors, photographers, and the intellectual elite come out to play.

Every night was an adventure, and I got the chance to meet fascinating people. It was a much needed escape for me, and it was the perfect opportunity to catch up with my old friends and have a blast. Saturday was spent having brunch at Sarabeth's in the upper East side. The food was phenomenal. I had the french toast, and they were out of this world. The mimosa was good, too, and it came with its own mini-bottle of champagne, good enough for 2 mimosas. I was a happy girl.

Saturday night, Jaime and I ordered two bottles of wine at dinner. I drank about 3/4 of a bottle, and I suspect Jaime drank the rest. I was smashed.

Being as intoxicated and stupid as I was, I drunk texted the young guy at 2:30 in the morning. He texted back. I think he was just as drunk. Who else would text somebody back at 2:30 in the morning, except another lush, right?! Then, I texted him the next day to apologize for waking him up: no response! Argh, this is why drunk texting is never good because you will always end up texting a douchebag who doesn't deserve the time of day. Always.

Oh, and this is days after I e-mailed this 23 year-old idiot and told him that he was being "retarded" and to either be my friend or don't, but not to treat me like some chick he had met in a bar because I was better than that and he knew it. To which he sent me this e-mail about how he was "trying to figure things out" and how I was an "amazing woman" and that he was "grateful" to have my friendship. Whatever. Actions speak louder than words, so from this day forward, this supposed friend of mine is on my shit list.

He texted me one word last week: "Friday?" And apparently, it meant that he wanted to hang out this past Friday, but I couldn't because I was going to NYC. This guy is a dipshit. I'm done even thinking about him. He's too young, and I need to focus my time and energy on guys who are adults and not children. I am all set.

Sunday night was a phenomenal night: we saw Mr. Big sitting a couple tables down from us, and yes ladies, he's as gorgeous in person. Jaime and I tried our best not to freak out and remain calm, but it was tough not to just run over to him and jump on his lap and lick his face. Every time we heard him laugh, we had to keep it together. Neither of us was thrown out and no restraining orders were filed, so mission accomplished.

One of the best quotes of the night came from Jaime at the end of the night, who was completely shitfaced because every guy and his brother were buying her drinks, texted a cute guy she had met at the restaurant: "I know you have a girlfriend, but I want you to know I'm easy like Sunday morning." It doesn't get any better than that! Another example of drunk texting gone horribly wrong.

Sexy, Fun Tunes That Will Make You Rock Out

Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas

Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow
Uploaded by xXmatdu87Xx

Poker Face - Lady Gaga
Poker Face - Lady Gaga

My Love Life is a Ball of Suck

The only thing really to say about it is:

Maybe he's just not that into me
Maybe he still has feelings for his ex
Maybe he needs time
Maybe he's too fucking young
Maybe it's a combination of all of the above

It will be so nice to date a man again. Dealing with a little kid for the past couple of months has been frustrating, to say the least.

And, the suckiest part is that I like him. I think it comes down to bad timing. He hasn't experienced life yet, and I can't fault him for that. In 5 years, he's going to be an amazing guy.

Anybody else having a shitty love life?

Love Will Make You Nutso

I am convinced that falling in love will make you go insane. How do I know this?Because my girlfriend is really into this guy she's seeing, and she's become f'ing crazy! She's constantly focused on his every move: where he is, what he's doing, who he's talking to, and when she's going to see him again. It's seriously exhausting just listening to her talk about it.

As a good friend, I listen to the craziness and because I love her, I tolerate the borderline psychotic texts/e-mails/IMs from her, asking me to analyze every bit of minutiae of their interactions with each other. She's become a stalker, and I'm not sure how that even happened. She thinks about this guy morning, noon, and night, and every hour in between.

And if he's not texting her every hour, then she's freaking out, asking me if I think there's something wrong. She's become a mental case, and I'm not even sure how it happened. This is a smart, funny, and beautiful woman we are talking about here, and before this guy came along, she had a full life, so where did it all go wrong? She fell in love, and too soon, I might add. She's only known him for a month. Can you really fall for somebody in such a short time?

The romantic in me says "Of course!", but the realistic side in me says "No way!" I tell her she's nutso, and she laughs, but I think she's really lost her marbles with this one. I'm all for losing yourself in love, but this is more like Fatal Attraction sans a bunny being boiled.

I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on her. She does really like the guy. Who am I to say that she's acting like a weirdo, since I'm not in her situation. All I know is as much as I would like to fall in love again, I want to keep my sanity. That's possible, right? We've all heard the saying "crazy in love", but does it really make you lose your mind? If so, then I'm good with my love life the way it is: uncomplicated and even fun, at times.

Image by Nikola Tamindzic via Home of the Vain Tumblr

Spring is Near

I love spring because it represents so much: love, rebirth, nature, rejuvenation, and living life to its fullest. Spring is a wonderful time of year. After a long, torturous winter (in New England anyway), spring is a warm embrace after the cold has finally left.

It's also a time of falling in love, feeling free, losing yourself, and enjoying the beautiful sights and sounds of the flowers blossoming and the birds chirping all around us. The thought of spring and all its beauty is the only thing that's getting me through these chilly days.

Men: No ROR

I've dipped my foot in the dating pool again, and it kind of sucks. It's not that I've gotten rejected or anything like that; it's that men have no ROR (aka no rhyme or reason). They make no sense. And the moment I find myself getting annoyed or slightly hurt, I put myself in the shoes of a man and think "What's my motivation right now?" Nine times out of ten, I don't have an answer.

I'm talking to a guy, and so far we've been on ONE date, so I don't really think of us dating. I think we're still in the talking phase with one date under our belt. We text back and forth every day. Some days, he texts me good morning, and when I get used to that routine, he texts me only at night. And when I'm accustomed to that pattern, he rarely texts me that day. Then, the next day, he texts me several times. Now, is this the pattern of some mastermind lothario who is trying to screw with my mind? No, this is just a guy, who gets distracted easily. I'm pretty sure a shiny ball could roll by him, and he would chase after it.

Meanwhile, I'm going out of my head: "Why hasn't he texted me? Does he still like me? Where is he? Why haven't I heard from him this morning? What's his deal?" It's ridiculous, but we women are wired differently from men. We need constant attention, and we need to think that they are thinking about us. Men, on the other hand, pop in here and there, sometimes often, sometimes rarely, and there's never a pattern they follow. It's frustrating. That's why we just have to accept it for what it is: men being who they are - MEN.

There's no rhyme or reason with what they do, so it's pointless to stress about it. Besides stress causes wrinkles, and who needs that. Put your phone away, go to the gym or go shopping with a girlfriend, and do your best to get your mind off the guy who may or may not be texting/calling you.

I've Been a Bad Blogger

Here's the deal: I live at home with my parents right now. I wake up at the ass crack of dawn, and I'm on the road by 7:15, and then I get to work at 9. I leave work at 5, and I get home around 7. My life is monotonous and tiring, and unfortunately, my blog has suffered.

The good news is it's only temporary until I (a)move back into the city and (b)buy myself a new laptop...holler!

For the time being, it's almost impossible for me to find the time to write, which sucks. However, I have many subjects I want to touch upon, and yes, most of them have to do with the opposite sex. Ugh, men.

Quote of the Day: Miss(ed) Manners

About two or three years back I ran into a client of ours after an event. I assumed she’d want to shake hands over a job well done, but she went in for the hug and kiss. I punched her right in the crotch with my extended hand. How is that a greeting? I think in some places it might be, but crotch-punching never really caught on in the States.

(Via Miss(ed) Manners)

Missing in Action

I haven't been around in a while, and I apologize. Much has happened since Valentine's Day. I'm blaming everything on Valentine's Day. The guy I've been talking to for the past month and I started really talking and flirting via text and e-mail. And yadda, yadda, yadda, I had to move out of the apartment I shared with my ex because he found out about it (AKA went through all my things), and let's just say, he was less than pleased. It was an unhealthy situation for both of us. We had to break the ties once and for all.

My cat and I are currently living with my mom. It's not bad here. There's always a home-cooked meal, a warm bed, and people who love and care about me. Now, I can talk to whomever, flirt with whomever, and nobody gives a shit. I'm free and happy. For once, I only have myself to worry about.

Colette's Crave: Valentine's Day Chic

Secret Admirer E/W Tote by Betsey Johnson


Fred Flare Heart Shaped Sunglasses


Forever Necklace by Andrew Hamilton


Bite Me Panties by Andrew Christian
Cupcake Pasties by Manuge-et Toi Burlesque


7.5 Heart Wedge

(Via Trend de la Creme)

Maybe He's Just Not That Into You...

Shit, a ton happened this week:

I started talking to a guy I met online. He's super cute, and he has a great personality, at least over text, phone, and e-mail. We were supposed to meet for dinner and drinks tonight, but he canceled. I don't really know him, so it's too soon to tell if he blew me off or it was a legitimate excuse...

Work put up all these new firewalls, so not only can I no longer go to my favorite websites like Gawker and Jezebel, but I can't even go to my own frigging blog! Oh, and don't even get me started on how I can't access Facebook either. They're really cracking the whip, and it sucks. Now, I have to wait until I get home to talk to my FB friends.

There are a ton of layoffs in the works at my company, and everybody is sweating it, including me. Because you just never know...

Last night, I took the commuter rail from Boston to visit one of my best friends who lives in Western Mass. We had a blast: drank wine, watched the mag reels and commentary for Tropic Thunder, headed out to a restaurant for some drinks and dinner, then met up with some of her friends at the movie theater to see He's Just Not That Into You. Yes, I'm such a stereotypical girl, I know.

It was a great movie, and I loved all the little storylines. My favorite was the one involving Gigi, played by Ginnifer Goodwin (she's adorable), as the really sweet girl looking for love and not being able to find it anywhere. I think we can all relate to her on some level.

Bradley Cooper is in it, and he's smoking hot, but he plays a super douchebag, so although you want to make mad passionate love to him, you also want to punch him in the balls and throw him down a set of stairs. Also, for all the really big fans of the book, the author, Greg Behrendt, makes a cameo.

The theater was packed with women (big surprise, ha) and about 5 dudes that were obviously dragged there by their girlfriends. They looked miserable. Ladies, don't bring your guys to chick flicks, unless you're secretly punishing them for making that comment about your ass; otherwise, bring your girlfriends.

There was a group of women behind us, and they had big, husky voices like they all smoked two packs of cigarettes a day and they sounded like Marge Simpson's sisters, Selma and Patty. Every now and then, you would hear one of them nudge their friend and loudly blurt out "Ohhh, that's so you, Linda!" Listening to them, my girlfriend and I couldn't stop cracking up. It didn't help that we were three sheets to the wind before we even sat down either.



Left my girlfriend's today to get back to Boston for my date and it didn't even happen. Attention Guys: We know you're clueless, but could you please call or, at the very least, text us to say you can't go out? Don't wait for us to call you to confirm plans. Not cool. I could've spent an extra night with my friend having fun, just sayin'.

The V-Day Coalition

Ladies, can we all just make an agreement ahead of time that we will not let Valentine's Day get us down? Instead of dwelling on the negatives: being single, dateless, no flowers/chocolate, no kisses, etc., can we please focus on the positives? The positives are: we are beautiful, free to date whomever, nobody is holding us back from our dreams, and we are not stuck in loveless relationships on Valentine's Day.

For once, I want to embrace my life on Valentine's Day because the more I think about it, I have never had a particularly wonderful V-Day. It's not all it's cracked up to be, even when I was with somebody. I've had better ones lonely and dateless.

I once got into the worst fight of our relationship with an ex-boyfriend on Valentine's Day; that was the beginning of the end for us. Years before that, I had been dumped after Christmas by a guy, and by V-Day, I had discovered that he was planning a romantic day for his new love, the girl he had always wanted, the one right before me. Knowing that he was spending Valentine's Day with his new lover tore my insides apart and left me sick to my stomach.

Truth be told, V-Day has always been better when I'm single. It's just another day. I go to work, come home, do laundry, eat dinner, watch TV, and sleep. And, if if it falls on the weekend, I spend it by myself, watching movies, but I don't go out.

Going out on Valentine's Day can be torture if you don't mentally prepare yourself: you see all the happy couples together, and it's depressing, and you can't help but think "Why can't I have that?" It's better to just chill with friends or curl up on the couch and watch chick flicks or romantic period pieces all night. At least, you know you'll enjoy yourself.

But, if you do go out that night: then rally up a few of your single girlfriends; put on your favorite heels; glam yourself up; and be as sexy and fabulous as you can be. Just remember: you may envy the girl at the bar hanging on to her boyfriend, but she's probably looking at you in all your glory, thinking "I wish I was single again."

Everybody wants the life they aren't living, even the girls with the boyfriends on Valentine's Day. So, go out and live your life as best as you can live it because before you know it, you will be that girl. Embrace your freedom as a single woman while you have it.

The Three Laws of Female Robotics

Susannah Breslin, writer of my favorite blog ever, The Reverse Cowgirl, defines the three laws of female robots.

1. A female robot must always have perfect makeup, even if her arm is falling off.
2. A female robot must have at least one spare head available to her at all times.
3. A female robot will only find a mate if she follows the First and Second Laws.

And since we're on the topic of female robots, watch this amazing video for Bjork's song "All is Full of Love":


It's a hypnotic video set to an amazing song. Robot love is a beautiful thing.

What's Up with Joaquin Phoenix Lately?

Joaquin Phoenix, best known for his roles in Gladiator and Walk the Line, recently told the press that he is retiring from acting and becoming a rap star. Uhhh, say what? He showed up at some Las Vegas nightclub, badly rapped three songs and then left the stage on a high note, by falling off. WTF is up with him?

Some people are saying it's a hoax. Others say it's performance art. And, the rest just think he's finally lost the few marbles that were rattling around in that batshit crazy head of his. Also, isn't it a bit suspect that his brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, is filming a documentary about his descent into the rap world?

For a moment, can we all please reflect on the Joaquin Phoenix we all know and love: the hottie with a little bit of edge and that sexy scar over his lip, (even though we all know it's a hare lip scar), despite him vehemently denying it.

Inventing the Abbotts (1997)


Quills (2000)


Walk the Line (2005)

Turn Me On: How to Attract Men

I just ordered this book online last night, and I can't wait to read it. It's gotten great reviews. I'm curious to hear from a guy's point of view what exactly guys find attractive. I'm rusty at meeting men, and I'm clueless at this stage in the game what really attracts a guy. There, I said it. I have zero game. I see a cute guy on the T, and he looks over at me, and I freeze up and turn away. I'm the worst at this type of thing. I'm good at giving dating/relationship advice, but when it comes to myself, I'm useless! It's a miracle that I've met as many men as I have, by being so inept at flirting and getting a man's attention.

Does anybody else have this problem? Or, am I the only loser out there who can't make eye contact or smile at a guy!

Colette's Crave: Naughty Monkey

(Via Trend de la Creme and Naughty Monkey)