2007: Another Year Gone By

A year ago, if you would've asked me where my life would be at this moment, I would've never been able to guess. Much has changed in just one year. My boyfriend of almost two years and I found a place in the city together. We adopted a cat who needed a home. The first time during my career, I felt like I was moving in the right direction. And, I watched one of my closest girlfriends move 3,000 miles away. It's been a long year. There have been many ups and downs. It's been a rocky road. My boyfriend and I have struggled financially and romantically. Things have not been easy.
We moved into a lovely apartment in one of the best areas in the city. Although, it's a great place and the perfect location, it has caused many problems. We pay a lot of money for a place that we don't want to be anymore. I think we've come to the realization that we aren't city people. We thought we were; but when it comes down to it, we are suburbanites at heart. The city is not relaxing. Frankly, it's a pain in the ass. Our apartment is on the 4th floor, and there is no elevator. It's technically three flights up, but they are grueling, never ending flights. We thought we would get used to it, but we never did. In fact, I think it's getting worse. By the time, you get up the stairs, you just want to collapse on the couch and never get up. Part of the reason, we wanted to move into the city was to be in the middle of everything. We are indeed in the middle of everything, only it doesn't matter because we never leave the house! Once you go up those stairs, you are sucked into the vortex. I told my boyfriend it's like being trapped up in a tower. You feel isolated, tired, and unmotivated to go back downstairs. Oh, and don't get me started on bringing groceries up! I'm trying to enjoy the place until we decide to move some time next year, but I'm having a hard time. I just want a place with a driveway and maybe a yard; a big apartment where my cat can run around; and somewhere I can stash all my shit because I have a ton of clothes, books, and knick nacks without a home right now.

I guess it's funny to think that what you think are the decisions that will make you the happiest will in fact make you the most miserable. Who would've thought a year from now, I would be here. This has been an extremely difficult year. My boyfriend's and my relationship has been tested over and over again. There have been many outside factors that have caused this strife. We are working through our issues, and I am optimistic that 2008 will bring some happiness for us. There are a lot of changes in the works for both of us: personally, career wise, and hopefully financially. We are entering a new year with new opportunities. If I had to guess where I will be a year from now, I would tell you I have no idea, and I don't want to guess. John Lennon said it best when he said, "Life happens when you're making other plans." I have an idea where I would like to be a year from now, but I'll just see where life takes me in 2008.

The Right Guy

How do you know when you've found the right guy? He's the one you want to spend all your time with. He's the one you run to when you have a bad day. He's your last call of the night. He's knows how to make you smile, cry, and laugh. He's not perfect, but he tries to be the best man he can be for you; and you love him for that. You may go through ups and downs together, but your relationship only gets stronger. There are days you cry; there are days you kiss; there are days you want to forget and days you don't want to end. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. The right guy is the one you want to spend your life with; he's the one you can't picture yourself without.

Men Who Think They Are God's Gift to Women

How funny is it that these men are usually the opposite of gifts to women? They’re more like scorns in our sides; they’re total jerks with egos the size of Texas. And, they’re everywhere! You see them on the subway, wearing sunglasses and listening to their iPods; hanging out in bars with a group of jackasses, usually clad in your typical “man about town” blue button down shirts and black slacks; or strutting down the street as if they had “Stayin’ Alive” playing in the background as their personal soundtrack. So, why do we date them? The answer is simple – because they are confident.

In the dating world, confidence goes a long way. Have you ever met a really attractive guy, but he was really shy and seemed unsure of himself? You probably have; and were you attracted to him? Probably not. Shy and unsure is not appealing. Some women like it; but on the whole, women want somebody who is outgoing and dominant. One of my girlfriends dated a really attractive guy. He was smart, funny, but he was introverted. She said they would hang out, and he would just sit there. He had very little to say. He seemed nervous and almost scared that he was around a girl. She thought it was cute for a while, and then she realized she needed somebody with whom she could interact, not a mannequin who would just sit around and look pretty.

There’s nothing sexier than a confident man. He may be unattractive, not very bright, and bad in bed; but he probably has a ton of women who want to date him because he knows who he is. He’s not afraid of anything that comes his way. He knows what he wants out of life. Just look at the male seminars for “The Mystery Method” or the book, “The Game” – they teach men how to be confident and dominant to attract the opposite sex.

I have dated several extremely confident men, and the majority of them had very little going for them. However, they were so sure of themselves that I was fooled into thinking they were great individuals; they weren’t. Cockiness hides many flaws. Be wary of the man who thinks he is a gift from God; he’s most likely a narcissistic jerk trying to hide his true self.

"One does not have to sleep with, or even touch, someone who has paid for your meal. All those obligations are hereby rendered null and void, and any man who doesn't think so needs a quick jab in the kidney." ~Cynthia Heimel, Sex Tips for Girls, 1983

Dear Colette

I don't know what's wrong with me, but guys just aren't that interested in me. I ask men out all the time, but after one or two dates, they want nothing to do with me! What am I doing wrong?

- Dateless in Chicago

Dear Dateless in Chicago,

No need to fret, my dear. This can easily be fixed. You need to stop asking men out. I know you want to be an independent woman who seeks out her own happiness. However, when it comes to finding a great guy, you have to let him come to you. Guys do not like aggressive women. They like to be the aggressors. Since the beginning of time, men's basic instincts are to hunt and gather; this goes for finding women as well! Men like the chase. They want to be the ones who make all the moves. So, the key is to focus on yourself and build yourself into the hottest, most successful, and intriguing woman you can be, and that great guy will find you. He will chase you, and you will let him. He wants a challenge, so give him one. And honey, make him work for it! You're worth it.

Take This Heart Necklace and Shove It Up Your Ass

Forget all the cheesy jewelry commercials showing the loving boyfriend surprising his sleeping girlfriend with a tacky gold heart necklace and matching heart earrings. Eww! My high school/college boyfriend bought me a gold heart necklace one year with my birthstone in it. Every time I see one of those commercials, I think of the hell he put me through before he gave it to me. He had come over Christmas Eve to exchange gifts, and then he proceeded to tell me that he hadn't bought me anything. I cried; all my dreams of opening a Christmas gift from my first love were shot. I gave him a really cool wolf puppet (I know that sounds weird), but he really wanted it. I was heartbroken that he hadn't even thought of me for Christmas. The next morning, I found a little box under the tree, and when I opened it, the gold heart sparkled. Life was good again. Now, when I think back to that Christmas, I think, "What an A-HOLE! He let me cry on Christmas Eve!! Who does that??!!!" The heart necklace is stashed away somewhere or at least I think it is. I could've thrown it out. I don't need any reminders of that relationship. It was my first, and it was a complete disaster. Never date a narcissistic actor who may or may not be a manic depressive.

Another Christmas in yet another dysfunctional relationship, I received a CD in a brown paper bag. The bastard couldn't even wrap it!!! What did I give him? A beautiful sculpture of a polar bear from The Museum Company; it was a replica of some sculpture in some museum in some city. It was wrapped in shiny red paper with a luminescent white ribbon. Classy, huh? Damn right, that's how I roll. Once he gave me that brown paper bag, I should've walked out of his apartment. It would've saved me a lot of pain and time. I was an idiot. I was super in love with a total douchebag who was madly in love with some white trash chick who was married and looked like Tonya Harding on a good day. I mean, how can you hand your girlfriend a paper bag with a CD in it for her Christmas gift?? Wow. He should've just handed me a note that said, "I don't like you enough to wrap. Sorry."

My last ex worked so hard on my Christmas that it actually became more of a chore than an actual heartfelt gesture. It spoke volumes about our relationship. "Well, maybe if I get the perfect card, that says all the right things, our relationship will be good." We gave each other fabulous Christmas gifts and cards that would bring tears to your eyes. I remember he showed me how he wrapped my presents so perfectly that he matched the wrapping paper edges up to each other, so the gift appeared seamless. It must've taken him hours. I thought that was strange, sweet, but strange all the same. I made many mistakes in that relationship, and I blamed myself for a while. He was such a nice guy, and I was horrible to him. We were completely mismatched, and what we thought was love was just two desperate people trying very hard not to be alone. We were two souls looking for love and only finding bitterness and disappointment. He bought me a gorgeous necklace that Christmas. It was a silver pendant with two sparkling diamond chips; only the dumbass didn't even know they were diamonds. He had left the tag in the box, so I had seen the price. They were diamonds. He also bought me a gorgeous abalone bracelet. It fell apart right after our break-up; how fitting. I turned it into a necklace, and I wear it every now and then. It's very pretty, but I don't like wearing pieces of the past. Why would I want to wear something that reminds me of a time in my life I would rather forget?

This Christmas, I am looking forward to a nice holiday without hidden presents, paper bags, and wrapping paper for the obsessive compulsive.

Picasso and The Woman Who Left Him

After a lot of turkey, relaxation, Christmas shopping, and some much needed quality time with the family, I am back! Yesterday, I was reading a fascinating article in Vanity Fair about the third installment of a Picasso biography. I did not know much about Picasso's personal life, except that it was turbulent, passionate, and filled with many women. Picasso was a womanizer, a misogynist, and a man who traded in women like they were cars. He would spend about 7 years with them: controlling them; verbally abusing them; creating shells of the women they once were. Then, he would leave them for another woman, somebody younger and less inexperienced. He spent a lifetime destroying women. In fact, two of them committed suicide, and most of them died penniless. One of his last relationships was with the artist, Francoise Gilot. She was 21 years old, and at the time he was 62. They developed a deep love affair. She gave him 2 children, and they were together for almost 10 years. Only this time, she left HIM. She had enough of the incessant infidelities and his abuse. She was sick of being mistreated, and she walked away from the relationship. He was devastated. She had turned the tables on him. She proved to him she was powerful, and not just a puppet in his game of love. She was a strong, independent woman who chose not to be verbally abused and tormented by a man who thought could control any woman. Although she was in a relationship with a manipulative, controlling and enigmatic man, she was able to break away from his grasp. She chose her own happiness over staying in a bad relationship. She did not let him destroy her, and in the end she prevailed: she remarried a wonderful man and she continued to paint her art. Every woman should look up to her. She is a true woman's hero. She was the one woman in his life who took a stand. The lesson of her story is: if you let a man wear you away, then you will dissolve into dust; but if you stay strong and stand up for yourself, you will rise above everything.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm very excited that it's Tuesday night, and I am leaving work early tomorrow to start my holiday. I love Thanksgiving. It's such a relaxing day to hang out with your loved ones and eat. This year will be my boyfriend's and my first Thanksgiving together. We are going up to his mother's house tomorrow night and staying over. Then, in the morning we will awaken to delicious smells as his family prepares scrumptious dishes for a big Thanksgiving feast. I love that my boyfriend and I like spending time with each other's family. I love his family, and he loves mine. Family is so important to me, and I know it's important to him. And, Thanksgiving is all about family. It's one day to share a wonderful meal and reconnect as a family. I haven't seen my boyfriend's family in some time, but I'm looking forward to seeing them again. I know, my mom would've liked for me to be at Thanksgiving dinner this year, but she understands. She's happy that I've found a great guy with an awesome family; sometimes that's hard to find. I think many times people disconnect from their family because they get caught up in their lives. However, they forget that the simple things in life can bring the most happiness: sitting on the couch with your loved ones watching the Macy's Day Parade; helping with the candied yams; playing with the pets; eating a mouthwatering turkey with all the fixins; or just cuddling with your favorite guy as you both fall into a food coma. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

He's Great Because He's Unavailable

How many times have you met the perfect guy: intelligent, funny, successful, and sexy as hell? You want him...badly. However, Mr. Perfect is only giving you 1/2 his time. Sometimes he calls you. Sometimes he doesn't. He pulls disappearing acts for days at a time. He cancels on you at the last minute. Yet, you continue to see him. You make excuses for him. You tell yourself that he really likes you, but he has so many other things going on. These are some of my all time favorite excuses for an unavailable man, and I've used them a million times:

1) "He's really busy...(at work, school, with his family, dealing with an illness", etc.)
2) "He's scared of love."
3) "He doesn't like to be tied down."
4) "He's coming out of a really bad relationship."
5) "He doesn't want to admit how much he likes you."
6) "He's depressed."
7) "He's stressed."
8) "He's still figuring out what he wants."
9) "Things will change once he feels more comfortable."
10)" We have conflicting schedules."

Ok, so what do you do? You spend hours analyzing, debating, and picking apart conversations and meaningless gestures of affection he may have sprinkled on you here and there. You and your girlfriends stay up all night, discussing each other's almost boyfriends. So, then these men DON'T have good reasons why they're slightly around, only when they want to be; never when you want them to be? Oh, they have a good reason. It's just not the one you want. Why are they unavailable? Simple. They don't like you enough; they like you slightly, just not enough.

Sure, they'll call you every now and then. They may even go on some half-assed date with you. But then, try to get a hold of them the next day: they're unavailable. You may leave a message for them to call you back. Then, they'll call you back a few days later. "Oh, hey I got your message. I've been so BUSY." And, the sad part is you believe them. You believe them even you know in the back of your mind, it's just a cover for the truth. However, you don't want to face the truth. You want to believe that this guy is crazy about you because it would be a blow to your self-esteem if he weren't.

Years ago, when I was really naive, I dated a guy. I was absolutely crazy about him. He was smart, funny, and he looked like Patrick Dempsey...just like him! I was in love with him. At the time, I was just having fun, and I liked his company. It had been a while since my last two relationships, each of which had ended on a sour note, and I got caught up in being in love. I thought he was great. Sure he only saw me a couple times a week, and I never visited or even saw where he lived. He was awesome.

Oh, there were several times he made plans with me and stood me up. There were many nights I drove all the way into the city to find myself alone in a bar or restaurant, waiting and waiting as people stared at me in pity. I was a fool. I wanted to be loved so badly that I threw myself at somebody who liked me as a friend, but he didn't have any real feelings for me. Instead of paying attention to the way he treated me, I focused on my feelings for him. I was delusional, and I made a ton of excuses for somebody who could care less about me.

I remember after about 6 months of almost dating, I told him how I felt about him. That was a moment of time I will never forget: the look in his eyes and how he told me in the nicest of ways that he didn't have the same feelings. I was devastated. However, my delusions got the best of me once again. I remained friends with him. Until one day, he took off on me; he relocated with his company and never even told me. I wasted almost a year on a man who did not love me and did not want to be with me. I think if anything, he felt bad for me.

Learn from somebody who knows: if a guy is not giving you attention and only spends time here and there with you, he's not the guy. Walk away. Don't let somebody make a fool of you. Worse, don't let somebody pity you for having feelings they don't.

Are You Having a Hard Time Meeting Guys?

It's tough to meet quality men. The bars and clubs are usually full of drunken idiots who only care about picking up girls and sleeping with them. Bars and clubs are not the best places to find a good man. Take this from somebody who knows. I used to meet men in bars and clubs, and I never had good experiences. They weren't bad men; they were just not ready to settle down or even get to know somebody long enough to know if they really liked her. They were all about the party and chasing women. You don't want this guy.

If you are having a hard time meeting men, then try going to different places. If you have friends who are hosting an intimate party: throw on a sexy skirt and heels; a little mascara and lip gloss; and prepare to flirt with a cute guy or two. Parties are an excellent way to meet people, but in a less sexually charged environment as a club or a bar. The best parties to meet eligible men are dinner parties or small gatherings . The worst parties are parties that have the word "keg" or "toga required" included somewhere in the evite. If you are seeking out an adult man to date, then stay away from parties that include drinking games or people doing multiple shots.

Another fantastic way to meet men is to go to different events with your girlfriend. There are so many wonderful, cultural things to do; you just have to know how to find them. Go online or look through the newspaper for local events at museums, theatres, art galleries, or even restaurants. These events are usually good opportunities to meet well-rounded, intelligent men. There are a lot of guys out there who are looking for exactly what you are, but he can't seem to find the right girl. Some museums put together weekly singles nights. You and your girlfriend can dress up in flirty little black dresses and mingle with men in front of priceless pieces of art. Many restaurants feature wine tastings and special dinners. These are perfect nights to taste some wine, delicious food, and talk to a great guy who has been searching for a woman who will appreciate the finer things in life.

Talk to your friends. Ask them if they know of anyone you can meet. Sometimes women forget about that one guy who they've been friends with forever, but they just aren't attracted to him. Maybe your friend's boyfriend has some cute friends. Ask some of your best girlfriends if they'd like to double date. It's a lot easier and more fun if you go on a double date than a dreaded blind date. Pick some fun things to do: miniature golfing, bowling, or billiards. Keep the date casual and think of it as a night with friends, not a date with some guy you barely know.

The more you try out new places and different activities, the more likely you will meet a great guy. It's also always good to keep yourself active and your mind stimulated. Try not to dwell on not having met a guy yet; focus on your happiness and your freedom. This is your time to do whatever you would like to do. When you're 45 and married with children, you will look back at this time and think, "I wish I had done more when I was single!"

Colette's Romantic Movie Pick of the Day

The next time you want to dodge the busy bars or clubs on a Friday night, and you want to settle for a comfortable blanket, your couch, a big bowl of chocolate ice cream, and the perfect romantic movie, then rent Anthony Minghella's "The English Patient".

"The English Patient" takes place during World War II. A severely burnt man (Ralph Fiennes) is being taken care of by a French nurse named Hana (Juliette Binoche). As we get to know this man behind the bandages, we see flashbacks of his life and his affair with another man's wife (Kristin Scott Thomas), which inevitably caused his current situation. Fiennes and Thomas heat up the screen with their burning on-screen chemistry. It's a lusty, forbidden love between the two of them. Some of their scenes together will make you sweat a little. Ralph Fiennes is very sexy as the leading man, and you really feel for him; he loves a woman he's not supposed to love. It's a heartbreaking film with beautiful cinematography and a love so strong that he will do whatever it takes to have her. Great movie to watch on a cold night; it will warm you up for sure.

"Life is like Tango... sad, sensual, sexy, violent and quiet." - Anonymous

What Makes You Feel Sexy?

I find it's so tough to feel attractive and sexy when you're working 40 hours a week, cooking dinner every night, and taking care of the household. There are some nights I'm so exhausted that I usually end up in comfy pants and a t-shirt by 8 PM. I go through stages where I feel like I've lost my feminine essence. I think a lot of women go through this at some point in their lives.

Just recently, I've been getting back to feeling like my old self by pampering myself. I've been trying to wear make-up during the day; even though it's tough to always find the time to apply when I'm running out the door in the morning. It's funny how a little mascara and shimmery lip gloss can really make a woman feel like a woman. I've also been throwing on a little scent before I leave the house. Lately, I've been wearing a Crabtree & Evelyn spray: it smells like citrus, and it's a very clean scent. I stopped wearing my glasses because for some reason, I've never felt sexy in my glasses. I don't know why. I wonder if other women feel this way. I see so many beautiful women in glasses, and they seem to be quite happy and confident in them. I like the way mine look, but I don't feel attractive in them. I've always felt really hidden behind them. It's weird. I know.

I think the next thing I'm going to start doing is working out. I've been reading about how it really makes you feel good and it boosts your love life. I don't know about anyone else, but I want as much love in my life as possible! I've also been trying to pamper myself as much as possible: getting my hair cut and styled; taking long, hot showers with exfoliators, shower gels, mousses, and body moisturizers made for the shower; and buying a pair of sexy black boots made to wear with the perfect pencil skirt.

What makes you feel sexy? How do you keep feeling like a goddess on the days you feel like a tired, old hag?

Meet the Cheap Guy

Dating, when done right, can be a wonderful experience. Two people who like each other go out and engage in fun activities. It sounds pretty good to me. So, why aren’t more people doing it? Why has dating become such a bad word? I have two words for you…cheap guys.

Dating takes effort and money. Cheap guys withhold both. The cheap guys of the world have convinced single men and women that dating is outdated and useless. How many times have you heard a guy say: “I’m not into dating. It’s too much pressure. I like to just hang out with a girl and see how it goes.”? Hmm…let me decode this for you. “I want to get laid, but I don’t want to spend any money or go anywhere. Maybe I can get her to fall for the old ‘let’s just hang out and watch movies’ line.” Ladies, next time a guy tries this line, insist that he come over to your house. Then, invite 10 girlfriends over. When he shows up, he’ll be surprised to see a whole slew of girls watching Love Actually and sobbing uncontrollably. If he seems annoyed by the situation, just smile and say, “Oh, I thought you wanted to hang out and watch movies.”

Watching movies at some guy’s house does not constitute a date. Women deserve to be taken out and romanced. The guy who thinks he can just pop in a DVD and order a pepperoni pizza on your “date” is not worth your time or energy.

I once met a guy who said he wanted to skip dating because he just wanted to be with me. I fell for it. When we broke up two months later, I realized that he had never even taken me out. It wasn’t that he wanted to be in a relationship; it was that he didn’t want to spend any money on me. He received all my affection and sex without ever having to take me out to dinner. The guy was a genius! He should quit his job detailing cars and become a spy for the government or run for office.

How can you tell you’re dating a cheap guy?

1) He never wants to go out because he’s “sick of the scene”.
2) He tells you that Valentine’s Day is just a way for Hallmark to make money.
3) At a bar, he buys two Heinekens, and then asks you for your share.
4) He never has his wallet on him.
5) He calls himself a “homebody”.
6) For a gift, he hands you a CD still in the paper bag he bought it.
7) He’s not much of a “dater”.
8) He’s always borrowing a couple of bucks and never returning them.
9) Instead of going out and renting a DVD, he makes you watch Empire Strikes Back because he owns it…and it’s the best one of the trilogy.
10) He hates double dates because he has to pony up the same amount as the other dude.

If you are dating a cheap guy, then run. If you aren’t, now you know how to spot one. Take this precious information and pass it along to your girlfriends. They will thank you for it. If only I had been so lucky….

Men Were Put on This Earth to Drive Us Crazy

Guys. We love them one minute. We can't stand them the next. They will drive us crazy if we let them because they think on a completely different level from us. Talk to any woman, and they will agree. It's unbelievable that we can even maintain long term relationships with them. My girlfriend said it best when she was talking about her three year relationship: "I am raising a 31 year-old man." They really are like little children. Sometimes I have fights with my guy, and I just look at him like, "Are you serious right now??" Some of the things that come out of his mouth are ridiculous, and I can't believe this is actually the way he thinks. He thinks like a guy. I usually shake my head in disgust and think, "Thank God, I'm a woman."

So, why do men get on our nerves so much? Well, first of all, they have the mentality of 5 year-old boys: they whine, need extra attention when they're sick, and sometimes they treat us like their mean mommies when we get angry with them or tell them they are wrong. Second, they aren't as emotional as we are, so a lot of times when you try to tell them that their actions hurt you in some way, they have no idea why or how come you're so sensitive. Not to mention, they make dumb, selfish choices: how many times has your guy not called you when he should have or gone out with his friends even though you wanted to spend some time with him?

It takes a strong woman to be with a man. I see so many women who just allow bad behavior from their men, and it is sickening. I know of a woman who is "fine" with her new husband coming home at all hours of the night because he is out drinking with his friends. What???!!! How is she okay with this?? The way I see it is if you are in a relationship with a man, then he should be with you, not drinking until 4 or 5 in the morning with his buddies. Ladies, stick up for yourselves! Don't let these men walk all over you. Because if they think you're weak, then they will take advantage of you. It's a lonely existence when you're living with or married to a man and he's coming home at all hours of the night because he wants to be "just one of the guys". Remember, he made a choice to be with you. He can either be with you and have a solid, healthy relationship or be single and have all the free time to be a drunken idiot with his friends. You can't let him have both. He cannot have his cake and eat it too. It pains me to hear about women who just let their men come and go as they please. I'm not saying you should be the warden of the relationship. However, you shouldn't be in bed alone, waiting up for some jerk who cares more about drinking and hanging out with his buddies than he does for you and your happiness. He had time to be single before he met you. Now that he's met you, he should be done with all that.

How do we keep men from driving us crazy? It's tough. I think the key is to be the best woman you are capable of being: keep yourself healthy and happy; pamper yourself; engage in activities that you are passionate; and always stay independent. If you remain a happy and empowered woman, then you will be able to take on anything, especially when it comes to dealing with a man and their stupidity. A man will respect a strong-willed woman. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Don't let a man take advantage of or manipulate you. Always remember: you don't need a guy in your life; you just choose to have one. You don't need a man to complete you because you are already COMPLETE.

"Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it." - Jerry Seinfeld

There's Something About Miriam

"There's Something About Miriam" is a British reality TV show which premiered in 2004. Fox Reality TV is just now showing it. My boyfriend and I had the pleasure of catching the first episode last night. Oh my dear God, talk about a train wreck of a show!! You see, this reality show is about 6 British guys, total boobs who like to drink a lot and tend to get naked with each other...weird, who are brought to a extravagant seaside villa in Ibiza, Spain to meet a gorgeous model and compete for a $10,000 prize and a romantic getaway with the lovely woman. Sounds too good to be true? That's probably because it is: the lovely Miriam is indeed a model, but she is not technically a woman because although she has a stunning face and body there is something that lies beneath. She still has her male genitalia...gasp! However, these young, horny men have no idea, so they treat her like a woman and they spend their days trying to seduce him/her. Crazy, huh? How did the producers get away with it??? They didn't. After the series ended and Miriam's secret was disclosed to the men, the men filed a lawsuit against the producers, suing them for sexual assault, breach of contract, and personal injury because they suffered emotional distress and psychological damage. They ended up settling out of court for an undisclosed amount. These poor chaps may be a little richer, but they will always have the psyche shattering memories of hooking up with a guy. File this under: The Crying Game.

Single and Lonely?

Are you feeling sad? Maybe you met a guy and he hasn't called yet. Maybe you're dating somebody and things just aren't working out. This happens to the best of us. Sometimes it's tough to come home to an empty house when you're feeling lonely or sad. The best way to get yourself in a better mood is to focus on ways of making yourself feel better. Here are some ideas:

1) If he hasn't called yet, then throw your phone against the wall and scream "I HATE YOU!!" as loud as you can. It won't make him call, but you will feel less stressed afterwards.

2) Eat an entire bag of candy. You will feel so sick that you won't think twice about how depressed you are.

3) Drink an entire bottle of wine; stumble around your apartment singing "I Will Survive"; collapse on your bed, clasping your ex-boyfriend's picture in your drunken, clammy hands.

4) Call your girlfriend who is in a bad relationship. Talk to her for about 10 minutes. By the time she has told you how miserable she is with her boyfriend, a relationship will be the last thing on your wish list.

5) Dress your cats up and re-enact scenes from "The Notebook".

6) Cruise the online chat rooms; tell all the guys you're only 13 and see how many perverts respond.

7) Buy one of those cheesy romance novels they sell in the grocery store; as you read, imagine yourself as a busty, bodice-covered princess with a proclivity for dating muscular, well-endowed Indian warriors. Your night will fly by!

8) Watch any reality dating show, and then chant this as your mantra, "At least I am not as pathetic as these people. At least I'm not as pathetic as these people. At least I'm not as pathetic as these people..."

9) Plan a date with your TiVo and then over a glass of wine, ask it why it taped "Murder She Wrote" and "The Golden Girls". Then say, "You know, you can be easily replaced."

10) Invite your girlfriend over and analyze each other's love life. If she asks you about the guy you met at the club who was dry humping your thigh, pretend like you have no idea what she's talking about and make a little promise to yourself that you will no longer drink Patron.

The Dog and Pony Show

Have you ever met a guy/girl who seemed too good to be true? However, when you got to know the person you realized that he/she had created this whole façade of being your perfect mate?

In my experience, I have come across men who seemed like they had it together, but they didn’t. They were usually deeply flawed individuals who had to put on a show just to keep me. They promised me a life, filled with love, financial stability, and a family. This usually took place after a couple of good dates! I realize now that was crazy talk, and I should have run for the hills. However in my defense, everything is clearer in hindsight, and many times it’s difficult to see the forest through the trees. I had no idea that these men were just putting on a big show for me, as I like to call the “The Dog and Pony Show”.

A dog and pony show in its literal definition is a circus attraction where a dog, usually wearing a ruffled collar, stands atop a pony as the pony runs in a circle. It’s this ostentatious, completely ridiculous act designed to entertain. When I meet guys who put on huge acts to try to keep me from seeing who they really are, the first image that goes through my mind is a dog with a ruffle riding a pony.

It’s basically a dating diversion for people who having nothing to offer, except emotional instability, control issues, a criminal record, a basement apartment in their parents’ house, a drug problem, a suspended license, or emotional and/or physical abuse. Yet, when you meet them, they are romantic, charming, and willing to give you everything you’ve been looking for in life. They tell you they’re trying to build a life, and you believe them. They come across as motivated, success-driven, and just ready to take on the world with you by their side. They make promises to you, and the sad part is you believe every word, not because you’re naïve or foolish, but because you want so much for it all to be true. You fall for the fantasy.

Time passes, and “The Dog and Pony Show” is not what it once was. The dog is no longer wearing a ruffled collar, and the pony looks tired. You start noticing major flaws, and these people start acting differently. They take you for granted. They break their promises. They stop trying to hide behind the dog and pony. They show their true colors. Once this happens, like the movie The Wizard of Oz, you finally see the man behind the curtain. At this point, what you thought you had with them comes undone.

You feel betrayed and angry at yourself for falling for “The Dog and Pony Show”. You are sad, not because you miss them…but because you miss people who never existed in the first place.

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner

Step Away From Each Other, You're Grossing Everybody Out

I have a huge problem with couples who show too much public display of affection or PDA. Stop it! I'm just trying to take the subway. I don't need to see you and your boring boyfriend holding hands and kissing at 8:30 in the morning during the rush hour commute. I understand you're in love, but can't you curtail your adoration for each other until you get off at the next stop? Are you guys that head over heels with each other that even a moment without touching each other feels like an eternity? My guy and I always get a big kick out of these people because for a short time when we lived together in my old apartment, we would drive to the subway station together, and then take the train to downtown. Although it was for just a couple of months at the most, we were completely miserable.

You see I am a night person, and he is the quintessential morning person. He loves the morning and getting up early and all the wonderful things that go with it, like watching the news and making breakfast. However, I love going to bed late and sleeping until the very last second when I have to get up or else I will be late for work. So, I had to get up at the ass crack of dawn and shower before my roommate (yes, I lived with my roommate and my boyfriend) would hop in the shower for one of her HOUR long showers. I was tired and cranky, and my boyfriend would wait patiently for me to get ready, so we could drive to the train station together. The other option was for me to take the bus to the station, but I loathe the bus. Most mornings, we would barely talk to each other on the subway, nevermind kiss and caress one another. However, we would give each other a quick good-bye peck when he got off his stop, but it was usually really awkward; it's hard to feel at ease when you're in a crowded subway where everybody is staring at your pathetic attempt at affection. If you're looking for a stolen moment with each other, this is not the place to find it. So, now every time we see some commuting couple holding hands or running their hands through each other's hair while they stare lovingly into each other's eyes, we get the biggest kick out of it because we know we were never that couple, nor would we ever want to be that couple.

A Single Girl's Guide to Halloween

"Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story."
-- Mason Coole

As the ghouls creep out of the shadows and the witches fly past the golden autumn moon, single men and women of all ages come out to mingle in disguise. It's a great chance to be somebody else for the night. For the ladies, it's the perfect chance to show off your naughty side. Go to any Halloween party, and you will see scantily clad fairies, bunnies, vampires, Greek goddesses, cops, and even your beloved fairy tale characters from childhood. Halloween is about having fun, meeting new people, and being somebody else for the night. It's an entire evening of being with your friends and role-playing while you flirt with men.

The key to having a great Halloween as a single girl is to choose your costume and party carefully. Give yourself at least a month to search out the perfect costume. Before you purchase it, show it to one of your girlfriends. She will tell you if it's the one for you or not. There's nothing worse than seeing a girl pouring out of her costume in all the wrong places. Most costumes run small, so if you can't try it on because you are buying it online, then make sure you give yourself plenty of time to return it, or you buy 2 costumes just in case one doesn't fit. However, if you're a size 6, disregard what I just said...you lucky bitch. I am, like most of the women out there, not a size 6, so I've had problems with fitting into costumes. I tried on one vacuum sealed, sexy FBI agent costume, and I couldn't even get the crotch to snap! I had to buy a pair of black latex hot pants to put over it. A few years ago, I came across these god forsaken hot pants, and I actually hesitated throwing them out. Where the hell did I think I was going to wear these again??!! Unless I was going to start frequenting underground goth clubs, my latex hot pants were not going to get much use.

Now that you have the perfect costume, your next big decision is crucial: Which parties will you be attending and how many? This choice can make or break your Halloween and your chance of getting the phone number of some hot stud in a Dracula cape. Talk to your girlfriends about all your options. If there's a party that one of them really wants to attend, then compromise. Tell her you will go to her party if she goes to your chosen party. Find out the locations of all the parties you want to go will be and how late they will be going on. Say you decide on 3 parties, check out the one you think will be the lamest first. Show up, have a few drinks, and if it doesn't get any better in an hour, 1/2 hour if you really hate it, then leave and go to your next party. If your choice Halloween party is at a club, then be prepared to spend most of the night there. Otherwise, you're blowing a lot of money on Halloween tickets and not taking full advantage. If you know of a great party, and you know it will be going on late, then go to that one after the club. However, the later a party goes, the sloppier the guys will be, so be prepared to be unimpressed with the talent there. Batman may have been looking pretty good at 11 PM, but it's 2:00, and he's slurring his words and his breath reeks of cheap shots of tequila and Natty Light; he's not so hot now.

Okay, so now you have the costume and the parties all worked out, so what else is there? Be a lady and don't drink so much that you are a "hallowed", albeit a hot, mess. Nobody wants to see a sexy Alice in Wonderland falling into a "rabbit hole" or a naughty Snow White who's had too much of the "poison apple". Have a few drinks, but pace yourself. If you want to party hop, then you will need all the endurance you can get. In between drinks, have a Red Bull or a glass of water. This will keep up your energy. The guys you want to attract are not into drunken disasters. You will have more fun if you are not completely obliterated. Not to mention, you'll give off a better first impression when talking to a cute guy.

Ladies, have a fabulous Halloween and be as wicked and naughty as you want to be. It's your night for the sexy girl to come out and play. She only comes out once a year, so have fun and meet lots of guys, even if they are in unfortunately misguided costumes. Remember, be on your toes or your platform heels,you never know when you'll meet your Prince Charming...or at the very least some hot guy dressed as Prince Charming who wants your number ;-)

Best Cakes in Boston

Yum Bunnies Cakery is a brand new bakery located about 10 minutes from Boston in Belmont, Massachusetts. However, it's not really a bakery because they do not offer any pastries, just cakes and cupcakes. Their cakes are not only delicious, but they are beautiful; each one a work of art. Also, a little fun fact is their cakes will be featured in the new Pink Panther sequel currently being filmed in Boston. How exciting! Jessa and Michelle deserve all of their recognition because what they do is unlike anybody else in and around Boston. Their cakes are imaginative and creative pieces of edible art. This is one of the hottest "cakeries" to hit Boston, and 2 of the top hotels in Boston are currently using them as their preferred vendor. Check out their fabulous Halloween cake display and see for yourself what they do and how well they do it: 241 Belmont Street, Belmont, MA 617.484.3300

If you do order a cake, make sure you give them at least a week in advance. They are swamped right now. Business is booming!

The All Over Print Hoodie

On my way home from work tonight, I saw a guy wearing a black hoodie with gold stars and moons all over it. My first reaction was, "Is he serious?!!". My second reaction was, "That would look really cute on a 10 year-old girl." Now, I'm one of the biggest trend whores I know. I've totally embraced the whole 80's comeback, and I've even bought some rainbow earrings, and I've been known to sport an over sized belt over a long shirt every once in a while. However, this really crosses the line. "Dude! You are a full grown man, so why are you dressing like a little girl with Barbies hanging out of her pockets?!!" I think it should be socially acceptable as a woman to just go up to one of these guys and laugh in his face or maybe just point and whisper to your girlfriend as he walks by.

I was intrigued by this fashion don't. I did a little research. I discovered they were started by a company named BAPE, and I guess BAPE print hoodies are the bomb diggety. However, BAPE hoodies are the Gucci of hoodies; they are quite expensive and only the creme de la creme of the hoodie community can afford to wear them. In the wake of the BAPE trend, many other clothing manufacturers have tried to jump on the all print hoodie bandwagon by producing total crap hoodies with ridiculously colorful prints that remind us of Sesame Street on acid. This is the one fashion trend right now that really "grinds my gears". Is it that men will wear anything in the frenzy of fashion trendiness? Or, are men just regressing back to their inner 10 year-olds? Maybe men are trying to relive their childhoods without the strict gender boundaries. Back then, they were forced to wear blues and greens; now they can rock pink glittery stars or gold moons and nobody says a word. Next time, you see one of these guys on the street, look to see if his pockets are filled with My Little Ponies and ask him where you can get one for your 10 year-old niece.

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.

Mae West

Handling the Bad Date

How many times have you been on a bad date? It's usually a blind date or a guy you met online, but he looks nothing like his picture and you're not attracted to him. So, what do you do? Do you run? Do you hide in the bathroom and then sneak out when he's not looking? Should you tell the guy you're not interested and then excuse yourself from the rest of the date? The answer is simple...start drinking A LOT. Order wine, gin and tonics, vodka and cranberries, tequila shots with lime, etc. Drink until you're right at the point of oblivion, and then thank him and say, "We should really do this again some time." Make it seem as if you really want to see him again. Otherwise, he's going to feel pretty shafted, especially when he sees the tab. Kiss him on the cheek if you have to. Also, if you don't know this person, keep an eye on your drink. Make sure once the waitress or bartender gives it to you, it stays in your sight. You don't want Mr. Bad Conversation to slip you anything.

Now, drinking copious amounts of liquor will not turn that frog into a prince, but it will help you have fun with the poor sap. It might loosen you up a little bit, and who knows maybe you'll see another side to this guy. Maybe he isn't as bad as you thought and maybe, just maybe he's nervous and needs a second date to work out the kinks. These are all possibilities. There are a lot of guys out there who aren't so bad; they just need practice at dating. So, remember be positive, pleasant, and plastered and turn your bad date into a night you'll probably forget in the morning ;-)

If I Tell You I Like You, Will You Leave Me Alone?

How many times have you and your girlfriends been out at a bar, club, or a party, and you meet a guy who won't leave you alone? When you first meet him, he seems okay, but as the night progresses he becomes really annoying. He won't leave you alone. He thinks just because he's bought you a drink and talked to you for 20 minutes, you owe him your undivided attention for the night. You walk to the bathroom, and he's right behind you. You follow your girlfriends onto the dance floor, and he's trying to grab your hand. This guy won't let up. You just want to scream at the guy, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" However, you usually don't because he's such a sad soul. He's not a bad guy. He's just really clingy; he reeks of desperation. You feel bad for him. However, you're dying to get rid of him. So, how do you get this guy to scram without really offending him? Lie your ass off. Here are some great lies to get this poor sap to finally leave you alone:

1) "I'd love to hang out with you, but one of my girlfriends just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her I would spend time with her."
2) "My boyfriend is meeting me here tonight."
3) "I'm not feeling well. I think I'm going to leave soon."
4) "I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I'm not ready to date anybody."
5) "I'm gay."

And, if all else fails, "I have a sexually transmitted disease" works well too. If you really feel as if you need to be honest with him, then try to let him down as easy as possible. A simple "I'm not interested" is always a good way of getting him to walk the other way.

Your night is your night. Don't feel as if you should talk or hang out with this guy because you don't want to hurt his feelings. The sooner you tell him to scram, the sooner you can meet other guys. Remember, you have to meet a lot of frogs before you meet your prince ;-)

The 10 Guys You Meet Online

Online dating in the 21^st century has replaced the singles bars of the 80’s and early 90’s. The numbers of people who have or are currently trying to find love online is staggering. Over 7 million people per year register with online dating sites to search for their soul mates. What types of people join, you may ask? All types do, or so you would think. However, after a little online dating research of my own, I found that not to be the case - for the men anyway. There were about ten types of guys and then variations of those ten. Some of you might think I’m generalizing, but if you don't believe me, then go online and check it out for yourself. You'll see I’m speaking the truth. The following list includes:

1. The Hopeless Romantic (aka Soulmate Seeker)

This guy enjoys fine dining, picnics in the park, roaring fires on a wintery night, moonlit walks on the beach, traveling, dancing, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. He’s all about finding “a lady he can adore”, “the one he can drop rose petals in her bath for”,basically a woman he can annoy the hell out of!! How can anybody actually have a relationship with this guy? I just picture myself coming home from work, tired and cranky, just wanting to heat up some leftovers and watch Laguna Beach, meanwhile he’s lighting cranberry scented candles and playing Barry Manilow records. Or , I just want to go to bed, but instead he makes me listen to the latest love poem he wrote to me, the one about how my hair smells like strawberries and how I complete him…oof! A little romance is nice, but too much is sickening.

2. The Player

This guy enjoys going out to bars, sports, hiking, working out, drinking, women, going to concerts, women, foosball, hiking, women, women, and women. He’s the guy who looks too good looking to be on a dating site. He seems too good to be true because he is. His profile will say something like, “I’m sick of the bar scene…”. Translation: I want to find ass online because lately I’ve been getting too drunk to get it up. He is a glorified frat boy. He will love you and leave you just as fast, and you will never hear from him again. When you ask him what time he’s picking you up? He’ll say “I thought I was just coming over to “hang out”? “Hang out” is code for sex. Ladies, don’t fall for it. It’s the same as when people on the Love Boat invite each other in for nightcaps. It’s a baby-makin’ phrase. You will not have a relationship with this guy, and nor would you want one…well, unless you consider doing shots of Jager and playing beer pong until somebody pukes a good night.

3. The Just Your Average Steve

This guy seems familiar because you’ve seen 1000 profiles that look just like his. His name is probably Steve, maybe Bob. He most likely works in computers. He’s moderately attractive, successful, and looking for a nice, average girl to settle down with and have 2.5 kids, a Golden Retriever, and an average-sized yard in a housing development in some generic suburb. He enjoys watching movies, going out to restaurants, going to the occasional Dave Matthews concert, skiing, hiking, and listening to music (anything but country, of course). He’s a decent guy. I imagine the date would be dinner at a decent chain restaurant, like Olive Garden or even The Cheesecake Factory, and then maybe a couple of Bass ales at the local bar. He doesn’t bring a lot to the table as far as uniqueness or charisma, but he’s a nice guy, and if you’ve dated every jerk out there already, and you’re sick of walking in on your boyfriend in bed with your best friend, then maybe this is the guy for you.

4. The Scorned

This guy’s profile looks normal enough, but he hides a deep, dark secret…he’s not over his ex-girlfriend. However, this secret will come to light as soon as you start talking to him. Within the first two minutes of your conversation, he will ask how long ago your last relationship was. He won’t ask because he’s generally interested. He’ll ask because he wants to use it as a springboard to talk ALL about his last girlfriend and how she broke his heart and how she was the love of his life, and he treated her like gold, and how she cheated on him with all his friends, etc. A girlfriend of mine said she met up with a guy who within the first five minutes had told her about his cheating ex and how she had ripped his heart out. How do you choose to make that your introduction to somebody? “Hi, my name is Bill. I like long walks on the beach, crossword puzzles, camping, and I was with somebody for six years and she cheated on me and then left me, and I’ve never been able to trust anybody ever since, and well, here I am…” Yikes! At first, you might feel sympathetic, thinking how could that big meany of an ex-girlfriend be so cold and treat such a great guy like that? However, start reading between the lines, and you think, hmmm…he claims that he treated her like gold, but he most likely ignored her or took her for granted until finally she couldn’t take the pain of the relationship any longer and just found somebody else. He didn’t realize what he had until she was gone…and banging some other dude. If you do meet this guy, tell him to call you when he’s done grieving. That will probably take 9 months, and if you do hear from him in 9 months, keep in mind that you could easily be the one he ignores and takes for granted.

5. The Clueless

This guy’s profile will say how he has no idea why he’s on the site, that it was something he did on a whim, and he has no idea what he’s looking for. First of all, if he has no idea what he is doing or looking for, why do you want anything to do with him? Why did he sign up in the first place? That’s easy. He got really drunk, one night, drowning his sorrows, drinking Jack right out of the bottle, and said “What the hell?” and signed up. He probably didn’t remember he had done it until he started receiving e-mails from other girls who were just as clueless as him. Ladies, if he’s this clueless from the start, then just imagine what your date will be like…that is if he shows up for it.

6. The Artist

This guy lists his profession as artist; translation: I dropped out of art school and now I work at Kinko’s. Dude, sketching in your notepad does not classify you as an artist, sorry. His profile picture will be black and white and very artsy looking. It will be taken from an angle, and he will look very dark and mysterious. Your date will be something that doesn’t cost any money, because he has none. At first, you might think that walking around the park on a beautiful day is romantic and spontaneous, but it’s not. The guy can’t afford anything else. He might even try to skip the courting all together, that way you can just go over to his tiny, run-down apartment, smoke pot, watch the Family Guy, and maybe screw. Next!

7. The “10 Year-Old” Photo

This guy’s profile pic at first glance is impressive. He’s handsome, good body, and a nice, youthful smile. However, as you stare at the picture you start to notice things. “Hey, is he wearing a football uniform?” “Is his hair gelled?” “Oh my God! Is the girl next to him wearing Guess jeans, and are they pegged, and does her baby tee say I’M TOO SEXY FOR THIS SHIRT?” You suddenly realize that the picture is from his senior year in high school and that was about ten years ago! You think, “Hey, how much could somebody change, right?” You meet him at a nice bar. He approaches you and you have no idea it’s him because he looks NOTHING like his picture. His hair line is receding, he has a beer gut, and his once youthful smile is gone, replaced by a slight scowl brought on by age and the bitterness of losing his once good looks. He’s a nice guy, but unless you forget about the picture of what once was, you won’t be able to date him because you’ll be constantly wondering when that guy in the picture will be the one showing up for your next date.

8. The Cling – On

This guy will get way too attached way too fast, without even meeting you. After a couple of good IM sessions, he thinks you’re his girlfriend. As soon as you log on, he will be waiting for you. Thirty seconds after you’ve signed into IM, he pops up saying hello. If you don’t respond right away, he’ll get all worried. He’ll say things like, “What? Am I not as hot as the guys you usually date? You know I’m so sick of games. I thought you were different.” He’s a psycho. If he sees that you’ve been online and you haven’t tried to contact him, he’ll become upset as if he’s your jealous boyfriend catching you online talking to other guys. The best way to handle this guy is lie, tell him you’re back with your ex or you have to move to Timbuktu and then block him from e-mailing or IMing you. Just hope he has no idea where you live, and he’s not going to come over, hide in your bushes and boil your rabbit.

9. The Children/Dog Lover

This guy has a profile, filled with pictures of him, cradling (other people’s) babies, frolicking with (other people’s) dogs, and romping with (other people’s) little kids. It’s ridiculous! We get it, you like kids and animals. This guy should make you wary because it seems like he’s trying too hard to show you how lovable he is. He’s probably a total prick with anger management problems, or he’s just so deeply flawed as an individual that he needs to put up this big façade of being St. Francis of Assisi. It seems like a trap to me. He knows that women love kids and furry animals so he uses them as bait. What’s next, him posing with a basket of kittens in a nursery of newborn babies? Stay away from this one…nobody likes children and animals this much even the people who actually have them!

10. The Estranged

This guy claims he’s separated from his wife. He’s not. He’s most likely still married, and his wife has absolutely no idea that her beloved husband is cruising online for unsuspecting girls who are just looking for “Mr.Right” or even “Mr.Ehh…He’s Better than Nothing”. He’s an adulterer, plain and simple. A girlfriend of mine met somebody online who wasn’t separated, he was married, and when she confronted him about it. He made up some cock and bull story about how his wife had MS and she couldn’t have sex with him. The old “debilitating disease” excuse. How do you know you’ve met him? He will call you at odd times of the night and day. He will call you from a restricted number. You will never see his place. He will make up some excuse about how he’s remodeling right now and the place is in shambles. He will be out of town on business a lot, and forget about spending time with him during the holidays…he’s with the wife and kids.

Well, ladies, good luck with your search for meeting Prince Charming online. I think the key is to find a happy medium because nobody is perfect.

Relationship Rule #48

If you have a day off and your boyfriend doesn't, always offer to give him a ride to work, especially when it's pouring outside...and he asks you for one. I didn't know about this rule, but I just learned it today. Before my wonderful boyfriend, I was single for most of my 20's. I spent many a day off, just laying in bed all day, sleeping or watching TV. Now that I'm in a relationship, I have to think about him. It's a new world to me. I don't mean to be selfish. I love him, but sometimes I forget that it's not just about me anymore. I should have given him a ride, especially after he asked me. I'm not a morning person, and I was half asleep. He said that if I had asked him for a ride, he would've done it. The worst part is he's probably right. He does little things for me all the time, and I try to do little things for him too, but he's just better at doing nice things than I am. Sometimes the selfish, single girl emerges, and I don't even realize it. At 7 in the morning on a rainy Monday morning, the giver in me was fast asleep. Next time, I will give him a ride. In the meantime, I'm never going to live this one down. Word to the wise, if you break one of the many relationship rules, you will never hear the end of it.

Cindy Sherman

For those of you who are not familiar with Cindy Sherman, she is an amazing photographer. She uses herself as the model, as she poses in stereotypical female roles. My favorite series of hers is called, "Untitled Stills". These are photographs, featuring herself as different actresses in movie roles. When I was first introduced to them, I was completely fascinated with her ability to change into so many different women. Each photo conveys a different emotion.

You know what we can be like: See a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says "I'd like you to meet Cecil," we shout, "You're late again with the child support!"

Cynthia Heimel

He Doesn't Call Because He's a Jerk

This is a simple concept. However, sometimes we don't want to believe this. We like the guy. He's hot, smart, funny, and his lips curl up when he smiles. We meet him at a party/club/bar/through a friend, and we really want him to be our boyfriend. We picture a life together, a perfect life, filled with perfect possessions, perfect pets, perfect friends, and a picture album in our head of what our life would be like with him. We had a great first date, and he kissed us. It was passionate, and he grabbed at our body with an intense sensuality that made us swoon in ecstasy. Everything was great. "I'll call you tomorrow", he says. We go back to our apartments, feeling drunk from the several glasses of Chardonnay and smiling as we think back to the date and how wonderful it was. We fall into our beds, knowing he will call, and from that phone call, a whole future awaits. The next day, he doesn't call. He must be BUSY. He'll call tomorrow. The second day passes, and no phone call. He must be REALLY BUSY with work. I'm sure he wants to call, but he just can't find the TIME. Maybe he LOST my phone number. He'll call when he has the TIME. He'll call tomorrow. We talk to our girlfriends, and they tell us he will call. Days go by, and he doesn't. Why? The answer is very clear. He's a total jerk. He takes the easy way out, and he doesn't bother calling because it's easier than calling and having the "talk". The "you're a great girl, but..."talk. We've all heard this talk at one time or another. We've even given it. It's a total bullshit conversation. You're basically saying, "Listen, you're so fantastic and such an amazing person that I want absolutely nothing to do with you. You're so great that I don't even want you in my life. And, no we can't be friends, you're just too incredible." The next time a guy doesn't call, don't sweat it. Just let it go. He wasn't the guy for you, and you weren't the girl for him. Accept it for what it was. Just be glad you didn't receive the talk, and don't give up looking for the guy who truly thinks you're so amazing that he couldn't picture his life without you.

A Little About Me

I am a 31 year-old woman living in a major city, trying to balance a career, a relationship, and myself. I have been on every bad date, dated every controlling jerk out there, and I have had my fair share of love and loss. I am the one all my friends run to when they have a fight with their boyfriends or they need advice on what to do about a certain guy they like. I am here because I love writing, but most of all I love writing about love and relationships. I am a true romantic; it must be the Pisces in me! I also love helping people. I believe that all of my horrible dates/relationships were for a reason. All of the years I spent sobbing into a pillow or on the phone with my mother were to get me to this point in my life. I have learned so much through all the hard times, and now I want to share and help anybody out there who is going through it now.