New Years

This NYE, I decided to spend it with my brother, my brother's girlfriend, my brother's loud and obnoxious friend who looks as if he originated from Middle Earth and thinks he's funny, but he's just ignorant and retarded, his lovely and pleasant wife, and my brother's Pit Bull who thinks he's a person, even though he's a massive sized dog who could tear your throat out and maul your remains in a drop of a dime, not that he would, but he definitely has the capabilities.

The dog's name is Apollo, and at one point in the evening when my brother and his friend went to get the Chinese food, Apollo decided that he really liked me, like really liked me. I was sitting on the couch, and he jumped up, and climbed on me, and I was scared, not because I thought he was going to hurt me, but because I didn't want him to rip my new sweater that I had received as a Christmas gift. I tried to jump up, but he had climbed onto my back and was umm, trying to mount me. My brother's girlfriend and the other girl were standing frozen, as they laughed hysterically watching me being sexually assaulted by a dog that resembles one of the Terror Dogs from Ghostbusters who guard the gates for Gozer the Gozerian.

I was able to break free and ran to the other side of the room, but he followed me and latched onto one of my legs with his extra strong Kung-Fu death grip. My brother's girlfriend was roaring with laughter, and she had to run to the bathroom because she was pissing her pants. It was hilarious, terrifying, and yet, I was strangely flattered that the dog liked me so much that he wanted to have puppies with me. It was the most action I had seen in months!

He finally calmed down, especially once my brother came home. The next day, Apollo and I spent the day watching movies and cuddling. I think we're dating now. I'm not sure. He said he would call me.