Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: The Show to Love and Hate

I have been trying to watch this season of Bravo's The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but it's boring. I watch 15 minutes of it and turn the channel. Kyle is a mean girl. Yeah, we get it. There is nothing interesting about her schtick. I've been around enough bitches in real life, to know how they are shallow and vapid. She is no different. She needs to be the center of attention at all times. She gossips about the other women, and treats the new housewives poorly. Snore.

Brandi is the wild child who says whatever she wants because she has no filter. She's basically an asshole, but we're supposed to think of her as a "free spirit." She's always raving about how she's so sexual. She's drilled that into everybody's heads and then gets upset when somebody calls her a "slut." Nobody should ever be slut shamed, but don't be shocked when it happens in a group of catty women, especially these Botoxed beasts. You can like sex without having to talk about it all the time. She's made sex her identity. I acted like that in my 20s, then I grew up. She's in her 40s. Brandi always seems as if she switched personalities with a 17 year-old girl like they do in those Freaky Friday-type movies. She loves getting drunk, wooooo-hoooooo! There is a small window in your 20s when it's acceptable to be the drunken mess at parties: That window closed for her 2 decades ago.

Carlton is my favorite because she seems like a strong woman with an authentic personality. I could watch her all day, side-eyeing the women when they say something she doesn't like. She's a witch, loves animals, can appreciate a full moon and pagan holidays, lives in a Gothic castle, and has a banging body. She also thinks Joyce is awful and says stupid shit, and I adore her for that. Whenever Joyce comes on, I say "Who?" Joyce has the personality of a walnut. I roll my eyes every time she speaks as well. Carlton, I got you, boo.

Lisa is British, and lovely, and reminds me of Meryl Streep's character in the movie, She Devil. Lisa lives in world filled with soft lighting and pink and white roses. I'm always curious how long it takes her to get ready in the morning. I can't imagine she ever steps out of the house with no make-up and sweats. Just watching how made up she is exhausts me. Some days, I leave the house without showering. She makes me feel like less of a woman. I would guess her nighttime skin regimen consists of lotions and creams made from real exotic pearls. I'm sure she takes candlelit bubble baths as Vivaldi's The Four Seasons softly plays in the background.

Yolanda is one of my favorites, because she has a huge framed photo of herself when she was younger, sprawled naked on the beach, in the living room. They entertain family and guests where her tanned, cocoa-buttered, nude body is on full display. I love that. I'm all for being slightly narcissistic and vain when it comes to loving yourself and your physical appearance. I see nothing wrong with it. If you are that gorgeous and have a fantastic body, you might as well flaunt it. Take a picture now and hang that shit on the wall, because you only have that face and body for so long before age catches up. Yolanda is often seen working out in all white spandex, picking lemons from the orchard surrounding her mansion, or decorating with candles and fresh flowers. All the housewives go ape-shit for flowers. If you don't have fresh, cut flowers in your house on a daily basis, you are a heathen, end of story.

Kim is Kyle's older sister, but Kyle acts more like a mom, which is incredibly obnoxious. If I had a sister who perpetually nagged me, I would drink and do drugs, too. Kim is sober, but she's still a lovable, discombobulated mess. On my worst days, Kim is my spirit animal. And my best days, unfortunately. Everybody likes Kim, because she's kooky, but an incredibly good-hearted person. Everybody treats Kim like she's slow. With the exception of Kyle, I can't remember the last housewife who was mean to her.

What does everybody think of this season? Who are the housewives you love? Who are the ones you hate? Which one bores you?

My Cat, Bosco

My cat, Bosco, was named after a Seinfeld reference. George Costanza's ATM code was Bosco. Bosco was a chocolate syrup popular in the 1950s. My cat is black, so I figured the name was fitting. Bosco is almost 2 years old, but he's really big for his age. It's like living with a black panther in a tiny studio apartment.

This picture was so funny to me that I made it into a meme. He looks like he's having a spiritual epiphany. I obviously have too much time on my hands.

Looking

We spend our lives looking for connections. We seek friends, lovers, husbands, wives to fill our lives with warmth, love and affection. Our goal is to bond with these people; to feel as if somebody understands us, listens to our stories, comforts us, and cares what happens to us. There is something so wonderful about meeting somebody for the first time and experiencing that.

The fascinating part is it always happen when you least expect it. You could meet twenty people in one night and not bond with any of them; but you walk into a cafe one morning and meet the person who will become one of your closest friends. Connections occur effortlessly. They can never be forced. In fact, the moment we try to force these relationships, they disintegrate. Further proof that nothing needs to be pushed. It either is, or it isn't. We could push ourselves on to somebody, and desperately try to be in their lives, but they would most likely run the other way.

Image via Fashiontography

If these relationships are going to form, they will do so naturally. There is no reason to push or force them. The connection is either there, or it's not. We must have faith that these special connections will find us. These people will flow into our lives easily with no worry, no fear, and no anxiety. Relationships will manifest. And we have no control over when and how they do. It can be a hard lesson for us. It is difficult to relinquish control, to surrender to destiny. But what choice do we have?

We have to learn to accept not knowing what will happen next in the tapestry of our lives. We need to enjoy our lives regardless of whether or not significant people walk into them. And we must fill those times that are void of intimate strings to our beloveds with our own inner happiness and contentment.

Think of the last connection you made with somebody. How did that person affect your life? What made the connection so special?

Halloween on Acid: Why I Love American Horror Story

American Horror Story (FX) This is Ryan Murphy's twisted show that feeds off classic horror movie themes. It's campy, revolting, creepy, but lots of fun to watch. It's the type of show where you will scream "WHAT!!", because you can't even believe what you're seeing. He goes THERE. Murphy always crosses over that line of decency. If you are easily offended, this is not the show for you. He loves anything taboo.

This is the third season of the series: Each season has featured a completely different plot and characters. Although, the majority of the actors appear in every season. Jessica Lange is the queen: That's all you need to know and don't forget it. She always portrays an evil bitch and does it flawlessly. She is your classic Shakespearean, morally bankrupt woman.

Murphy obviously has an appreciation for the art of acting, because most of his actors are well-known from Broadway and television: Denis O'Hare, Lily Rabe, Frances Conroy, Dylan McDermott, Patti LuPone, Kathy Bates, and Angela Bassett, just to name a few. The acting is always superb. The show vacillates between scary and bizarre. Sometimes you are legitimately freaked out, and other times it feels like you're watching a parody.

The first season takes place in a haunted house. Your typical white family moves into a new house, and everything goes haywire. There's also a creeptastic entity wearing a rubber S&M suit roaming around, which makes life in that house uncomfortably WEIRD. If you are going to watch any of the seasons, this is the one. It's my favorite, and the ending pulls the entire season together. It's a real M. Night Shyamalan moment. It's worth watching this season for the ending alone.

The second season's depravities occur in an insane asylum in the 1950s where Jessica Lange is a NUN. And she's nasty. Big surprise there. If you are scared of the dark, do not watch this season by yourself. Some of the featured actors are: James Cromwell, Chloe Sevigny, Joseph Fiennes, Ian McShane as a demented Santa that will haunt your dreams for life. This season has demonic possession, aliens, a serial killer, and Nazis. It has one of the most surreal, over-the-top campy musical sequences you will ever see.

This third season involves a coven of witches, headed by Jessica Lange. She is known as "The Supreme." You don't want to mess with this witch. She's a bad person. However, she is not as horrific a human being as Delphine LaLaurie, played brilliantly by Kathy Bates, who tortures and keeps her black slaves in a dungeon, doing unspeakable things to their bodies. When these scenes play, do not attempt to eat anything. Put the snacks down and wait until the show is over. Apparently she is based on a real person in the 1800s. Angela Bassett plays a voodoo queen. Angela Bassett DOES NOT AGE. She needs to put out an anti-aging skin care line. She's in her 50s, and she looks better than most 30 year-olds. This season is my least favorite. Don't get me wrong, I still watch it every week religiously, but it's not as solid as the other two.

The Village is Missing Its Idiot

The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale was cray cray! I thought the whole season has been incredibly boring. I would try watching an episode, and 20 minutes in, I would zone out. There were episodes I would try watching again, and still couldn't make it through all the way. This season was TV Ambien.

This episode was drama-filled, ridiculous, full of unnecessary fighting, and some idiot got kicked out of a party for eating a bow off the hosts' (Terry and Heather Dubrow) cake and then being a total asshole about it (Who does that?!). As Tamra commented in reference to "bowgate", the village is missing its idiot. And in this case, the idiot is a mentally unhinged lush.

The best parts of this episode were:
Gretchen giving Tamra one of the cheesiest friendship gifts I've ever seen in my life. "Here is a tacky charm bracelet.You are unbreakable." Super ghey! They've only been friends for 5 months! I can't wait to tell my best friend, Tara, that she's unbreakable, so she can laugh in my face.

Sarah getting kicked out. I'm shocked that Heather put up with her shit as long as she did. I'm sorry, but if you eat the bow off my cake, you need to get the fuck out of my house. It's my party, and I'll kick you out if I want to. The fact that Slade, who was channeling the legendary Hollywood producer, Robert Evans, clad in black from head-to-toe, had to play the bouncer and tell Sarah and Alexis they needed to go was even more hilarious. 

The previous episode where Sara brazenly eats the BOW.

Jim Bellino showing up, looking like he had busted out of a wedding party. I couldn't tell if he looked like a banquet waiter or a groomsman. Jim, WTF were you wearing? Nice shiny vest with a tacky print. Somewhere a Vegas blackjack dealer is missing a vest. I love that he came to the party just so he could stand up for his wife, dumb-dumb Alexis', honor. You know it killed him to see how somebody with real money lives. Unlike Jim's cheesy home that was bought under his business, The Dubrows' house is a mansion, not your standard Real Housewives large home either, it's a frigging palatial mansion overlooking the water. RIDICULOUS. Go Terry!

Vicky screaming at Tamra at the top of her lungs "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY SOULMATE, MY FRIEND, MY SISTER." Vicky is insane. I think she legitimately needs medication. Xanax is YOUR friend, Vicky.

According to Watch What Happens Live, "EVIL EYE" was uttered 29 times. Brooks, with a set of new teeth bankrolled by Vicky, called out Tamra for rolling her eyes at Vicky. Rolling your eyes is not the same as "the evil eye", but Brooks is a moron. And according to Briana, he has no car (whhhhhaaaaaaaaaat), no home, and no checking account of his own. If you open up the dictionary, you will see his picture under the word: MOOCH. There is no way he bought her a mink. This did not happen, regardless of what Vicky wants people to believe.


What did everybody think of tonight's finale?

A Drug Affair

After a long hiatus, I'm back. Things sucked for what seemed like an eternity (fuck!), but I'm back and feeling stronger than ever, blah, blah blah. But enough about me let's talk about something more interesting, shall we!

What does everybody think of Cat Marnell? If you're not familiar with her, she was the beauty editor for xoJane, who recently left because she is a drug addict. She's candid about her addiction. Her articles for xoJane were beauty product reviews interspersed with druggie anecdotes. She has a love affair with drugs (as all addicts do), and she writes about that lust in a stream of consciousness, throwing up her words onto her computer screen as quickly as she can type. Her writing is frenetic, honest, and raw.

I personally like her writing: She's a solid writer with a strong, albeit, controversial voice. She's interesting. She's polarizing. And she never pretends to be anybody she's not. Love her or hate her, she is an enigmatic personality. 

Read her latest Vice article.

"It’s 2012 in Manhattan, the island of cell phones and no clocks. Of dead Blackberry batteries, New Museums, old money—trust funds, angel dust funds, acid rains, and dead brains. Ritalin kids are generic adults living on vampire schedules. The Lost Boys soundtrack is always playing at the Dream Hotel and everyone’s forgotten their iPhone chargers: Yo, what time is it?"

My favorite movie, Boogie Nights, has a quote that makes me think of Cat's writing persona.

"When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign - it just blows up because the name is so powerful..."

So, how does everybody feel about her? Do you love or hate her writing?

Image via Blogstylert

Darkest Before the Dawn

Some moments in life are easier than others. I'm going through one of those really tough times. I'm trying to figure out what the next chapter of my life will bring. It's always darkest before the dawn. I know whatever will become of this will make me stronger in the end.