Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, my darlings! Thanks for all the love and support. Have lots of fun, be safe, and whatever you do, don't be this guy.

Christmas 2008

My Mom's Christmas tree: It's a fake and lime green, but it's beautiful.

My aunt and uncle's gorgeous Christmas tree. We went over there on Christmas Eve. Their place was so Christmas-y and magical.

My Christmas tree. My cat loves sleeping next to it, underneath the lights.

Your Personal Year for 2009

Now, whether you believe in numerology or not, this can be a lot fun. I figure mine out every year, and it's usually pretty accurate.

First, reduce the month and day of your birth, your birthday, to a single digit. Using my birthday for example, February 27th would be (2+2+7=11; 1+1=2). If your month and day total comes to 11 or 22, the master numbers, in this instance, reduce the number to 2 and 4, respectively.

Next, reduce the year for which you are making the calculation to a single digit. The year 2009 would become 11 or 1+1=2. My personal year would be 4.

Personal Year 1. . . .A New Beginning In Your Life
The current year is the beginning of a new nine year cycle for you. It holds the promise of being an exciting new adventure, with life taking on new challenges that pave the way for the next cycle of nine years in your life. This is a time to clarify your goals and it is a time to act on them. Hard work may be necessary to get a new venture moving. Your physical strength will be up during this year, perhaps higher than it has been for some time, as you have some special needs for this extra energy. If you are unable or unwilling to answer the call to change and make the move in your life the appears necessary now, your prospects may be delayed until the next cycle begins in nine years. Because of this, you feel like an adventure, a major change in your life, something new. New goals should be clearly set and worked toward, as this is really a new beginning of a nine year cycle and it is best not to dwell on the past at this time. This will be fairly easy for you to do because most of the problems and disappointments of the past will tend to disappear, leaving the way open for these new challenges. This is a great time; use it to its full advantage.

Personal Year 2. . . .Development, cooperation, and waiting
This is a number 2 personal year. A personal year 2 is a wait and see time; a year when you will find yourself in the background and very much in a stage of development. This is not a time to force the issue and try to move forward. It is a time for cooperation and building relationships that will benefit you in the future; a year for accumulating and collecting. Aggressiveness will cause problems now. You must be prepared for delays, detours, stoppages and you must be patient. This is a time of small contribution, of helping, and details must be taken care of when they come up. You may give time and effort to further another's work. This year may be a test to your self-control and emotional sensitivities. This is a time to improve your abilities to work with others in a productive way and this can be difficult for you if you have chiefly worked alone in the past. Keep calm, cool, and pleasant. You may experience a degree of nervous tension during this period; the two year brings a tendency to emotional extremes including depression. Very deep relationships with a person of the opposite sex (including marriage) may be more apt to occur during a 2 year. If married, there is apt to be a deepening of feeling in the relationship during a 2 year.

Personal Year 3. . . .Social expansion & creative successes
This is a number 3 personal year. This is a social, happy year, and it generally tends to exude bright and cheerful vibrations. This is a year when you will want to check up on old friends and broaden your social circle to include some new ones. Romance and love affairs may bloom. You are inclined to live life to its fullest now, even if you have to pay the consequences later on. You are likely to be more sociable and the bridle of responsibility will seem to be loosened a bit. You are inclined to scatter your energies and undertake too many things at the same time. You can safely take some time off to enjoy yourself, but resist the temptation to completely give in to having a good time; keep your goals in mind. A 3 personal year is a good time to expand personal creative talents, particularly those related to the arts and verbal skills. Recognition in this regard is likely this year.

While this can be a happy year as far as personal expression and activities are concerned, it may be a disastrous year on the business scene. A generally frivolous attitude in that environment can cause rash decisions and impractical, unfinished schemes. This is not likely to be a very good year for your finances, and it is fortunate that the next year is designed to compensate these effects.

Personal Year 4. . . .Hard work and slow, but steady progress
This is a number 4 personal year for you. The previous year frivolity will now be truly forgotten, as the facts of life are clearly spelled out. This is a year of hard work and effort when one must knuckle down to the task at hand. A year of digging in and hoeing, a reestablishment of self-control. In many ways, however, it is a frustrating year, when considerable effort fails to produce dramatic results. One step forward and two back may seem to be the case most of the time. This is an organizational period and you must look at your current and past performance in a very hard light. It is a time to get organized and bring yourself down to earth. Responsibilities will increase, magnifying the effort and hard work needed to maintain a reasonable level of existence. Health and diet should be carefully scrutinized this year, as physical resistance is low and you may become more susceptible to ailments. A tidying up of affairs is now in order, as you must make ready for a very hectic year ahead.

Personal Year 5. . . . Feeling Loose and Free
This is a number 5 year, a year of major change in your life. Horizons are expanded and growth is less impeded. You are likely to make a number of new friends this year as social activities are expanded. This is a year that has brought/will bring excitement and adventure and a good deal more freedom than you have experienced in recent years. This is a time for feeling loose and free; for moving away from old routines in a constructive way. If you became bogged down during this past year, now is the time to seek out new directions.
The problem with a personal year 5 is the tendency to scatter energies in all directions. Your ability to do detail work is limited now and it will make you feel very confined. In all, this a free-wheeling year that is liable to bring major changes to your life; your career, your family situation, your residence.

Personal Year 6. . . . Love, Family, Home and Responsibility
This is a number 6 Personal Year for you. A personal year 6 tends to bring on increasing responsibilities and a deepening concern for family, loved ones, and close friends. It may be a year when you are called on to make some adjustments in your life, or sacrifices for those in your family or close circle of friends. This is not really a year for major accomplishments, but rather a time to handle those adjustments to your plans that may be necessary or required, and for finishing projects started earlier. Endeavors will seem to be moving so very slowly throughout this year. You should expect to have a very good year so far as family, domestic, and romantic matters are concerned. Your emotional interchange with those who are close to you should be at its very best during this particular year. The important thing is to be willing to accept a slower pace and be sure to enjoy the peace and harmony that the personal year number 6 will bring.

Personal Year 7. . . . a time for analysis and understanding
A 7 personal year promises to be a very introspective year, a period of some pause and reflection between very active years in your life. This year should provide you with some time for gaining some understanding of yourself, and you are apt to spend a good bit of time in contemplation. It will be good for you to spend time alone or in quiet activities, as free from outside responsibilities as possible. You should try to get away from business pressures. This is a good year to reflect on the past and plan for the future. This will not tend to be a year of action, but rather a year of waiting and development. One of the most profitable activities in with to engage during a personal year 7 is that of study and writing, for your ability to think clearly, analyze, and integrate your thoughts is peaked now. Your capacity for research and understanding is at its very best. It would not be unusual for you to take on an appearance of coolness and detachment during a 7 year. Certainly, it is best for you to focus your attention on your talents and your skills in an effort to use the time you have now to refine them. Perhaps you can find the time to gain more education, or simply spend free time in reflection and meditation.

Personal Year 8. . . . Attainment and capital gains
This is a number 8 personal year for you. This is your power year, a period when you can make important strides in you life. Coming after a very slow and introspective period (the personal year 7), you may start feeling some stirrings of ambitions. This is a year of big decisions and major achievements. Activity is your keynote now, and you will find yourself very much involved and occupied. Opportunities for advancement and recognition for past and current work is likely to come about during this year. You have things going for you so long as you take advantage and act. It is easy for you to branch out and expand in a businesslike manner. If you are at all inclined, this is the time to exude self-confidence and authority, because others will tend to be receptive to your leadership and control. Your power and status potential is at a peak of the nine years personal epicycle that concludes at the end of the next year.

Personal Year 9. . . . Reflection and Reaching Out
This is a 9 personal year for you. This is a year of completions, ending, and a time when you are apt to take inventory of the many factors in your life, some of which you are no doubt proud of, and others that you may want to change. You are likely to scrutinize old values, ideals, and the ideas that you thought were important. This should be a time when you become more involved with other's and giving may become more important that merely looking out for yourself. You may also become aware of a lure to commune with nature, as escapist desires become much stronger than in the past. A lot of things that you have been working for should come to completion during this year, and you will tend to clear the deck for the beginning of a new nine year cycle.

(Via Astrology-Numerology)

Does it seem accurate? If you don't know, try it with 2008 to see if it coincides with this past year.

There ARE Other Fish in the Sea

My girlfriend is meeting up with a guy she met on the free dating site, Plenty of Fish, which by the way, has to be one of the worst menageries of desperate/horny/creepy/pathetic men I've ever seen on a dating site. My dear friend has a "date" with a guy who is unemployed, lost his license (claims it's due to speeding tickets, but I smell a DUI), and has ADHD - why would you tell somebody that before you met them??

His online profile was a gem: his interests included "porn, Howard Stern, eating, and intimate moments". Swoon! And, is "intimate moments" another way of saying he likes sex, or does he really like the special, quiet time between him and his lady in a candlelit room, covered with rose petals? I'm guessing it's code for nailing some chick against a wall, while some lesbian 3-way porno plays in the background, and his plate of manicotti gets cold.

I could be wrong, but this guy sounds like a real loser.

I'm glad I'm of the sane mind that I would rather wait for a quality guy than to date just anybody because I didn't want to be alone.

My friend is going to drive an hour to see this guy, go out for some lame dinner, and then watch a movie at his apartment, and will most likely, have sex with the guy. Some guys call for their pizza to be delivered, and others call for their casual sex to be delivered. Whatever works, I guess!

Starting Over

This holiday season has been a particularly bittersweet time for me, because I'm in a transitional period of my life. A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, and all of my friends have either moved away or are in serious relationships. For the time being, I'm alone. I have my family, and they are wonderful, but I wish I had a couple girls around with whom I could go out and have some fun.

I know once I get my own place and move out, I will meet new people, but in the meantime, I'm in the same apartment and I'm stuck at home on the weekends. It sucks, and it's depressing. However, I know it's all part of my life changing, so I just have to accept it as the temporary suckage that it is.

I try to make the best of it, and I'm optimistic that 2009 will be the year of Colette. I hope to go back to school, get a new apartment for me and my kitty, and meet some cool people. I want to live my life again, and I'm doing everything I can to get back to the person I used to be.

This past relationship took a lot out of me, but it also gave me life lessons and made me grow as a person. There were bad times, but there were also good ones, and I will always have a special place in my heart for my ex. I wish him all the happiness in the world, and I hope 2009 is a great year for him as well.

Four Bucks

This is McDonald's latest ad campaign obviously targeting Starbucks and their $4.00 espresso drinks. It's clever, and it's a great marketing ploy, but can I just say, I like Starbucks. I would much rather order an espresso drink there than ordering it at McDonald's, and it's not about the jazz or Motown CDs they play or the fancy names of all the coffee drinks. No, it's because that's what Starbucks is known for. They make espresso drinks, and I know they're not going to fuck it up because that's all they do, from when they open to when they close. They make funky espresso drinks with pretentious pseudo-European names, and I'm okay with that because they taste delicious.

Now, if I go to McDonald's, and I order a cappuccino, chances are likely that it could suck and take forever for them to make because cappuccino-making is not their strong suit. Just as if Starbucks started selling fast food burgers and fries, I doubt that would be theirs either. It would probably take longer than usual, and they, most likely, would be more concerned with making somebody's low-fat, decaf caramel macchiato than my cheeseburger and order of french fries.

So, yeah, I get the whole gist of the ad campaign, but in reality, Starbucks customers are going to continue buying their fancy coffee drinks there, myself included. You get what you pay for. Starbucks has a good product, and they market it extremely well, right down to the little coffee cup wraps that keep your hands from burning. Plus, you know when you order a specialty espresso drink, it's going to be prepared perfectly and taste the way it should.

Do I really want to go to McDonald's and risk that the guy behind the counter really knows how to make a cappuccino? Or, be that customer who pisses everybody off behind the counter because you were the one asshole who had to order something complicated. Starbucks welcomes complicated orders. I've been in Starbucks before and have overheard the most ridiculous orders, and then couldn't believe it when people got them - and they were made correctly! If somebody orders that same drink at McDonald's, I'm willing to bet they are not getting what wanted.

When it's all said and done, is four bucks really that dumb when you are purchasing an exceptional product?

The Times We Had

I am currently reading The Times We Had by Marion Davies, who was newspaper magnate, William Randolph Hearst's mistress for many years. It's a wonderfully entertaining book that will put a smile on your face. She comes across as funny, smart, and very lovable. You can see why Hearst was so smitten with her. I wish I could go back in time for one night, so I could hang out with her, sipping cocktails in her hilltop mansion and having a gay old time.

My friend, Jaime, recommended the book, so I e-mailed her yesterday to discuss Hearst's behavior in the beginning of the story:

Me: Slightly stawkerish. He’s constantly following her around! It’s kind of endearing, but then when you start thinking about it, it’s creepy. Ridiculously rich men can get away with stalking, I guess.

Jaime: Yeah, I mean he was also giving her rolls of hundred dollar bills to use as tampons. And it seemed like he never forced her into sleeping with him. It just seemed like a lot of cuddles and buying giraffes. Right now it sounds like the ideal situation. I've had passionate relationships and, with few exceptions, nothing good has ever come of them. So if some guy came along that wanted to buy me things and hang out with me and build me a palace in the mountains, I'd tuck my dog under my arm and be off.

Me: I love how he gives her a diamond watch, and she loses it! So, her friend calls and tells him, and the next day, she receives another one – no note or anything, just a watch! She mentions how it’s not as pretty as the other one! And, he’s always bailing her out of situations, and she barely knows him. He’s just this looming figure in the shadows, but he’s loaded, so nobody gets freaked out. Because if Mr. Hearst was "William Hearst the Chimney Sweep", they would’ve called the cops on him long ago for stalking little girls. The story is great, and I love her. She’s so adorable in the way she tells a story. In my head, she sounds just like Betty Boop.
Dude, giraffes and cuddles sound awesome. It’s a win win, in my book. Who needs passion or sex when I can host parties and drink all day and night in a lavish mansion with marble pools and elaborate gardens! Passion is seriously overrated, and it only causes problems in the long run. I’ll take my diamond watches, exotic animals, and champagne any day, thank you very much.

Related Posts: Dick Whitman or The Guy from Simply Red?

Do You Like Websites?

The offbeat, but very funny comedian, Zach Galifianakis, interviews Mad Men star, Jon Hamm, and it's pretty ridiculous, not to mention hilarious.

There"s nobody that more consistently produces web video greatness than Zach Galifianakis (except maybe for this hamster). The previous episodes of his Funny or Die talk show Between Two Ferns were fantastic, and this new one with guest Jon Hamm may be the best yet.

(Via Comedy.com via Funny or Die)

Now Your Dog Can Be Sexist Too

I don't get this at all, but then again I'm not some idiot frat boy or a player who thinks that anything with the Playboy logo is cool. It's not. The insignia is getting as worn out and old as its creator, Hugh Hefner. It's not sexy. In the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and even the 90s, it may have been; but now, it's 2008, almost 2009, and the logo has become a coat-of-arms for douchebags everywhere. Dogs should not have to be subjected to drinking their water out of blinged out Playboy pimp bowls. I'm sure even they think it's stupid.

(Via Spencer's)

I Can Steelz Kat Toyz?

Frankie the cat has been accused of creeping into his neighbors' houses and stealing their cats' toys. Apparently, this sneaky little fellow is coming and going through the little catflap at his house and going on a rampage, snagging as many little stuffed animals, squeak toys, and any other pet toy he can find. So far, he has taken 35 toys, and his owner, Julie Bishop, claims he drops them on the living room carpet as soon as I gets them. She is now in the process of trying to reconnect the toys' rightful owners.

(Via The Daily Mail)

Alice in Vogue 2003

God, these are so beautiful.This is Annie Leibovitz's amazing Vogue photo shoot from 2003 with supermodel, Natalia Vodianova, as Alice Liddell and many famous fashion designers as the key players in Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland.

In order of the pictures, the designers are:
Olivier Theyskens
Tom Ford
Helmut Lang
Marc Jacobs
Karl Lagersfeld
Jean Paul Gaultier
Viktor & Rolf
Christian Lacroix
Stephen Jones
John Galliano
Alexis Roche
Donatella Versace
Nicolas Ghesquière (Balenciaga)

Which photo is your favorite?

(Via Sooth Brush)

This Year's Dick in a Box

If you haven't seen last night's insanely funny SNL digital short called "I Jizzed in My Pants", then for the love of God, watch it now. It's hilarious. The digital shorts are created by SNL player, Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, and Jorma Taccone. These guys make up The Lonely Island, a comedy troupe specializing in short films and sketches. See how many celeb cameos you can spot in this one. I had to watch it a couple times to figure out who the guy was mopping in the grocery store.



If you think that's funny, check out "The Bing Bong Brothers" by The Lonely Island, which parodies The Ying Yang Twins' hit "Wait the Whisper Song".


Or
Just 2 Guyz

The Masochist Within Us

Sometimes the need to be loved, wanted, and desired is so strong that it makes you stay in situations that are unhealthy for you. My girlfriend told me a story about how she was with a man for several years: she said it was a rollercoaster of emotion and constant heartbreak. It was a dysfunctional relationship. He had a drinking problem, was a controlling asshole, but he knew how to sweet talk her when he needed to - which was pretty much all the time. He told her that she should fly home and be with her family, who lived in the Midwest, because he said he was never going to visit them. Nice guy.

They got engaged and a couple of months before the wedding, he broke up with her. He had met somebody else, and he wanted to date her. They were living together at the time, and after a couple of months of her staying there post break-up, he told her to hit the bricks. He wanted her to move out for good. Six months later, they got back together, but she never moved back in with him; instead, the relationship consisted of her going to his apartment a couple nights a week. It was all on his terms. She was his part-time girlfriend, if that. She was more like the "she'll do for now until I find somebody else" girl. And he did. He found the girl that he would later marry, and she was left in the cold once again. After the initial break-up, she had wasted 3 years with a man who did not love her and didn't really want to be with her. They had been together for 10.

After she told me the story, I immediately thought "How could you just stay in that bad relationship for 3 years after being told that he didn't love you anymore and he didn't want to be with you?!", but then as if she knew what I was thinking said: "I know. How could I stay in that bad situation? It was masochistic, but at the time, I couldn't help myself. I was my own worst enemy."

And then I think about some of my past relationships, the people I've loved, and the bad situations in which I've gotten myself into, and I understand. The need to be loved by somebody can be so powerful that it can make us into torture victims. Sometimes it's not about the love you feel for the actual person, it's more about not being able to let go of the notion of that person loving you. They reject you, and you are so desperate for that love that you settle for anything. Settling will always cause you pain in the end.

Bonnie Raitt wrote some of the most poignant song lyrics about love and breaking up: "I can't make you love me if you don't." It's that simple. You can't make somebody love you, despite how much you want them to or as much as you try to make them. Love is a funny thing: you can't help who you fall in love with.

Don't waste your time with those who do not love you back. Defy the masochist within and most importantly, learn to love yourself.

Wanna Be a VS Fashion Model? Put Down the Cupcakes

NY Mag features a blog about the annual Victoria Secret fashion show, which premiered Wednesday night, and Karolina Kurkova getting criticized for her weight. Yeah can you believe that shit?!

"To prepare for the show, Karolina works out for three hours a day and cuts out carbohydrates and wheat. Fun. Her regular diet is no picnic, either. She says it consists of green juice, hard-boiled eggs, grilled fish, vegetables, and ten nuts at a time (yes, she counts them). Still, a woman at the show tells the Post reporter, "She really porked out … It's good she dropped a little bit of weight, but really…"

I'd like to see what this woman looks like because I'm willing to bet her body pales in comparison to Karolina's. Un-fucking-believable. Even supermodels get shit about their weight nowadays. What a sad society we live in. If you have any curves, then you're deemed as fat.

I watched the show, and let me just say: Karolina looked fantastic, and anybody would kill for a body like hers. Ugh, that woman who was quoted needs a good bitch slapping for promoting anorexia. FAIL.

(Via NY Mag)

3 Beautiful Women, 3 Terrible Outfits

This picture confuses me. How did three of the most beautiful women on the planet choose such bad outfits and then pose together? It's like the perfect storm of awful fashion choices. Penelope Cruz looks as if she threw on a potato sack and then grabbed some fancy tights and gold heels to pull the look together. Scarlett Johannson's outfit looks like she raided somebody's mother's closet and stole her evening wear. Those are the type of pants you put on, and think "Oh God, I feel so fat right now." Everybody feels fat in those pants. High-waisted and peg-legged is NEVER good. Eva Mendes is the least of the fashion disasters, but how many times have we seen this look? It's a dress you would find at Macy's. It's good for going to your nephew's baptism or attending mass on Easter Sunday.

Some People Like Burgers and Some People LIKE Burgers

Why do I get a feeling the next time I order a burger, I'm going to feel dirty?

I once dated a guy who moaned and grunted when he ate. One time, I brought him home a slice of Oreo cheesecake, and I thought he was going to have an orgasm on the spot. Ew.

(Via The Soup)

Dick Whitman or the Guy from Simply Red?

This month's GQ has a really bad photo shoot with one of my all-time favorite leading men: Jon Hamm aka Don Draper on AMC's Mad Men. I sent one of my best girlfriend's, Jaime, two of the pictures from the layout, and as I had suspected, she didn't care for the pictures, either.

This was our e-mail:

Me: What's up with the placement of the hat?!

Jaime: What is up with My Friend Flicka in the background? You can totally tell this whole shoot was conceived by a heterosexual man who is sooo jealous of D-Drapes that he wanted to completely emasculate him and turn him into Huck Finn or by a homosexual male who thinks that what he is wearing is fetching in a hip incorrigible hobo sort of way and that all women love horses so yeah, let's throw a horse in the background and they'll go wild.

The last man a woman would want in her house is an unemployed dude with a horse. Does not matter how hot he is. Seriously, I'd take employed man with pot-bellied pig over homeless with horse any day.

I feel like Paul Rudd fills his inbox with this picture and alternate titles for it of varying levels of ridicule all day.

Me: I'm trying not to burst out laughing right now because nobody around me is going to think this is funny. I hope to God, Paul Rudd tools on him mercilessly because this is one of the worst photo shoots I've ever seen. You take one of the most ridiculously handsome men and turn him into a stable boy?!

Yeah, I think the photographer was going for the whole Dick Whitman motif, but failed miserably because even Dick Whitman wouldn't be caught dead wearing a ridiculous hat like this. And look at the way it's placed on his head! It's so 80s new wave band, I can't stand it. I feel as if he's going to break out singing "Come on Eileen" at any moment. Not sexy.

Umm, how about just throw the guy in a suit? He looks fantastic in a suit. Jon Hamm is the type of guy who was made to wear a suit. Instead, they put him in a porkpie hat, throw him in a field, and tell him to channel Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn. He's a grown man! Throw Emile Hirsch in a corn field or James McAvoy, but not Jon Hamm!

Then, I sent her the 2nd picture.

Jaime: Okay, this confirms that it is actually a hetero man who set this up...stalk of wheat in the mouth?!!!! As evidence I will hearken back to every July or August cover of Playboy in the 1980s. Due to a poignant and predictable lack of imagination on the part of hetero male America, summer issues would always feature "Southern Belles" or "Texas Debs" and would inevitably portray these women in Daisy Dukes sprawled out over classic cars or taking a much deserved nude nap in a pile of hay. But the perennial accoutrement, the piece de resistance, was always stalk of wheat or straw or hay or whatever that sh*t is in the mouth.

Seriously, who in Viking hell would think chewing on straw is sexy. Goat-f##kers, that's who. Plus it's also so cliché. Let's do a "country-bumpkin" photo shoot and let's make him pose with some straw in his mouth to really tie the ribbon up on that package. I'm sure the next issue of this magazine features Amy Adams dressed up like 40s screen siren or Jim Carey as a sad clown because no one's ever thought to shoot them that way except for everyone who has ever taken a picture of them.

If I were Jennifer Westfeldt I would f'ing sue the photographer on this shoot for defacing private property.

The Predators Are Back

From the latest editorial piece in The NY Times about the new ways in which predatory lenders are taking advantage of debt-ridden people nowadays:

"Predators of every sort have regrouped and returned to their old ways, this time as loan-modification companies, inserting themselves between hard-strapped homeowners and banks, offering to work deals — for cash up front".

I've already received a flyer in the mail from a company, telling me how I should let them loan me money to pay down my credit cards. The APR was anywhere from 7.99% to 20%. So, you're basically creating more debt for yourself just by trying to pay something off. It's robbing Peter to pay Paul, or in this case borrowing from Peter at a high interest rate to pay Paul.
(Via NY Times)

The Pieces Within the Pictures

This week, I came across my old shoebox of photos, which have chronicled the last 15 years of my life. It's pretty amazing how different a person I am now, how much I've been through, and all the people I have met on my journey. I'm not the same girl I was 10 years ago or even 1 year ago, for that matter. And for the first time in a long time, I'm content with the person I am. My life may not be perfect, but it's pretty good, and I know it will keep getting better from here.

You're Welcome

"Sing a song, get behind the piano, put on a tiny hat."

Your Cheating Heart

Passive Aggressive Notes posted this juicy tidbit from a guy named Nick, who apparently can't spell to save his life. Let this be a lesson to anybody who leaves their phone on when they're cheating.

Read from the bottom up.

Alice

Sometimes I come across things that just stop me in my tracks because they're so beautiful and creative. "Alice" is one of those experiences. Using 90% of the sound from Disney's Alice in Wonderland, a 19 year-old named Nick Bertke (his artwork is extraordinary,too) created an ambient electronic track that is gorgeous and hypnotic. You can download this track and a couple of others on Lastfm. I've watched it about 12 times now.

This is the video to "Alice":

(Via Boing Boing)

Bad Date Story: Online Dating Gone Wrong

I just got an e-mail from a woman who wanted to share this bad date story involving a real keeper she met online:

I decided to try online dating a few years ago. Many of my friends, who were happily coupled, had met their significant others this way so I figured, how bad could it be?? (Famous last words!) Eventually, I met someone I thought would be interesting. He composed a lovely email, had good grammar (very important!) and was generally pleasant over Instant Message. Also, he built and sold (and played) acoustic guitars. Awesome.

So, the day of our date he had planned to visit his parents about 2 hours away. He called me in the morning to tell me that he thought he'd be home around 6pm and he would be ready to go out around 7 or 8. Okay. Well, around 7 he called to let me know that he had just left his parents house. (WTF?) He gave me directions to his house and asked me to meet him there. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but whatever. Okay, so I get to his house at 9 (2 hours after he left his parents) and he doesn't show up until 10. (I was calling and calling but he never answered the phone...odd)

So, we meet in his parking lot and it's awkward and dark but whatever. He invites me up and I was feeling a little trepidatious about that but I go. He went into his room to change and tells me to get him a diet pepsi from the fridge (excuse me, do I live here?). I do, and when he emerges from the room, he's dressed WORSE then when he went into the room and smoking a cigarette (blech!).

He grabs the diet pepsi and chugs it then plops down on the couch. You would have thought we were an old married couple, not two people meeting for the first time. He invites me to sit next to him and I do but I said, "So are we going out?" And he said, "Nah. It's too late. We're going to watch a movie and then I'm going to play the guitar for a bit and sing to you. Do you want to smoke a joint I found at my parents house? It's probably like 10 years old!" I was just shaking my head in disbelief!

As I got up to leave I noticed the worst part...HE HAD A TOUPEE!!!!! A BAD ONE! It might as well have had a chin-strap! Needless to say, we never spoke again and I LEFT QUICKLY!

Quote of the Day: Me

"I wish I were more free-thinking when it comes to issues like these, but I'm just grossed out."

Today on Jezebel, I received worst comment of the day because I made an honest statement about how I feel about the Thomas Beatie situation. Thomas Beatie is the transgendered person, who was once a woman, but is now a man or 1/2 a man because he still has a vagina.

I have no problem with transgendered people or how they live their lives. I am, however, repulsed by the pure physicality of it. I would love to be able to look at a picture of a guy with a pregnant belly and think "Wow, that's great!", but my first reaction is a visceral one and that is "Eww." Just as if I saw a bearded lady, standing there with a pregnant belly.

It's not the norm and don't pretend it's a completely every day event because it's not. I'm not going to tell you that seeing a picture of a bearded man, pregnant and holding his tummy doesn't gross me out because it does. It's visually disturbing to me and all the "good for him and his wife" sentiments aren't going to change that.

And if you are more open-minded than me, then I'm happy for you.

The Break Up

After just going through a break up myself, the one piece of advice I can give anyone who is dealing with one now is: Keep in mind that this is all happening for a reason. You and your ex were not meant to be. Fate has other plans for you and him. You will both find happiness, just not with each other. Once you are able to let go of the idea of you and this other person as a couple, you will slowly heal. The pain will fade away, and you will begin to see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel of heartbreak and loss.

This Was Cool

Wake Up to a Break Up has listed Colette's Love Bytes as one of their featured break-up blogs. It's always nice to be recognized by other sites. (Via Wake Up to a Break-Up)

Real Housewives of Atlanta

All I can really say about this is Kim can't sing for shit, and yet, she thinks she can put out an album and it will sell. She's severely delusional. She also claims she's 29 years old.

When I saw this scene for the first time, I had to change the channel because it was so embarrassing to watch. Doesn't this girl have any shame?!

The Amicable Break Up

"It was amicable. If by 'amicable', one means she solely alternates between weeping and blind rage." - One of my best friends, explaining his recent break up.

Break These Chains of Love

The other night, I met up with one of my good friends, a guy I've known for about 8 years now, for dinner. After dinner, as we were having a couple of drinks, my friend told me a hilarious story, and it was too funny not to share. He said one night after work (he's a waiter), he stopped by this hotel bar to have a couple of drinks before last call. He said that it was the only bar in the area that was open until 2am, and it was the last call spot for all the waiters/waitresses.
One mixed drink = $13
Hitting up a bar for a couple of drinks after a stressful shift = Priceless.

He sat down at the bar and started talking to a girl in her 20s who was there by herself, drinking Jameson straight and sketching in her notepad. She was the artsy type. They struck up a conversation and hit it off. They wanted to keep the party going. He told her that he had rum at his apartment, and she said that her friend had some weed at hers.

They made a couple of pit stops and then went back to her place to get really drunk and stoned with one of her friends. Around 4am, the girlfriend left and the two crazy kids started going at it. He said it was getting kinky and that she was pretty wild and adventurous. She introduced some metal handcuffs into the situation, and although he was hesitant to wear handcuffs, he agreed after she assured him that she had the key.

So, they did their thing, and then he asked her to get the key to the handcuffs. It was now 6 in the morning, and he had a lunch shift at the restaurant where he worked. He needed to get the handcuffs off, go home, take a shower, and go to work. However, there was a wrench in the plans: she couldn't find the KEY. She had no idea where it was. They tried busting the lock. They tried pulling them off, but nothing worked. This is when my friend started freaking the fuck out.

What do you do when you are in a set of handcuffs in some random one night stand's apartment and you have work in a few hours? He called a locksmith. A FUCKING LOCKSMITH! The guy came to the apartment and had to free him from a set of handcuffs. Can you imagine?! I mean, that must've made the guy's year because that is hilarious, and guaranteed, any time that locksmith gets drunk with a group of people, he tells that story. How could he not?!

My friend had to pay $100 to get his wrists freed from the metal cuffs. He had to call into the restaurant where he worked and told the manager that "he was in a bind", but the manager was pissed and wasn't going to let it slide, telling him he had to come in. So, what did my friend do? He told his manager that he was in a pair of handcuffs and wouldn't be out of them by opening. The guy was dumbfounded, as anybody would be in that situation.

In the end, my friend got written up for missing a shift, which makes me wonder if that little tidbit of information was put in his file: "Got handcuffed by some random chick and missed work." Yeah, that's definitely a restaurant industry no no.

Fashion From Within

This is a really weird design by artist, Rachel Wright, featured on Etsy. This vintage style slip dress is called "Scapular". I'm sorry, but I don't find this appealing in the slightest. It just reminds me of Slim Goodbody from Captain Kangaroo; and I couldn't deal with the look then, and I definitely can't deal with it now.


Kudos to the woman who has enough guts to wear this.
(Via Boing Boing)

Hollywood Bombshells

Egotastic reports that there is a new coffee table book by photographer, Timothy White, called Hollywood Pinup, and it features sexy 1950s-style pinup photos, featuring a bevy of celebrity beauties.

Elisha Cuthbert looking gorgeous as a Brigitte Bardot-esque beauty.

Tea Leoni bringing the sex appeal as a blonde bombshell. Very Marilyn Monroe.

Gina Gershon looking sultry and beautiful. This woman does not age!

Cindy Crawford looking nothing like herself and that's not a good thing. I wish her face had appeared a little softer because she's a beautiful woman, but this photo does not do her justice. Her body is incredible. Wow.

Chocolate Amnesia

Dove Chocolate has an ad about a woman who loves chocolate so much that she can't stop eating it even when she experiences a rather negative physical side effect.

(Via Adverbox)

Heavenly Creature: Kate Winslet

These are the latest pictures from the Steven Meisel photoshoot with Kate Winslet for Vanity Fair. She's frigging gorgeous. I love that he made her look like the classic French beauty and actress, Catherine Deneuve. These pictures are to die for.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

NY Times columnist, Frank Rich, has a really interesting take on Obama and why he's such a powerful candidate in this tumultuous election.

Obama doesn’t transcend race. He isn’t post-race. He is the latest chapter in the ever-unfurling American racial saga. It is an astonishing chapter. For most Americans, it seems as if Obama first came to dinner only yesterday. Should he win the White House on Tuesday, many will cheer and more than a few will cry as history moves inexorably forward.

The Best of Craigslist

Craigslist is one of those great sites where you can buy a car, rent an apartment, find a boyfriend, and nail a hooker all in a day's time. The Best of Craigslist is a medley of all the weird, wacky, and usually very funny ads that people post. They will shock, disgust, but I guarantee you will laugh.

To the tranny that blew that guy on the 49 bus last night"So thanks for hopping on that very crowded bus, sitting 2 feet from me and making out with the goofy looking guy. That was odd, but no big deal. But when I looked over and your head was in his lap I was like -- "Are you fucking kidding me, you are now going to blow him?".

Why I'll be the Best 'Psycho' Ex-Girlfriend You've Ever Had!

In the sobering light of morning, you'll forget that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and instead opt for a "two-night stand" but you'll quickly realize that I am having none of that and somehow weasle my way into staying over, cooking breakfast and reading your newspaper. I will also have conveniently brought my toothbrush and some sanitary products which I quickly store in your bathroom cabinets since 'I'm going to be spending a lot of time at your place.' Your Maxim magazines will go from the top of the toilet to the bottom of the wastebasket because I find them 'offensive' and 'immature.'

Baby Bird

Emotion

There's a lot going on in my life right now, and it hurts like hell. Every day, I seem to feel a different intense emotion. I'm at the point where I'm exhausted, broken hearted, and overwhelmed by the flood of thoughts, feelings, and the little voice crying out from inside myself.

Don Draper's Guide to Picking Up Women

Best sketch from SNL last night. Jon Hamm was the best host of the season. He was amazing. It didn't phone it in like a lot of actors and actresses. He made an effort, and it showed. Also, who would've known he did such great impressions!

It's a Mad Men Weekend!

This is an action-packed Mad Men weekend with Jon Hamm hosting SNL tonight and the season 2 finale tomorrow night. So, I figured I would make this an all Mad Men Colette's Love Bytes weekend!

- Tonight, Jon Hamm is hosting SNL. I'm super excited to see him because I think he's a fantastic actor, and unbeknownst to many, he has a terrific sense of humor. Just check out the August 2008 Interview magazine's interview with Jon, conducted by his good friend, Paul Rudd. Absolutely hilarious.

- NY Mag did a Don Draper likeability index using a period appropriate scale (likeable is JFK as unlikeable is to Nixon), starting from season 1 up until the last episode of season 2. Good stuff!

- And because NY Mag seems to be as obsessed with Mad Men as me, Emily Nussbaum wrote a great article on how Joan's rape ultimately changed the tone of Mad Men's nostalgic first season and how the women were portrayed. Joan started out as a strong, sexual character, but with her rape, she becomes a vulnerable and rather tragic person. Interesting take on it, and it's definitely worth a read.

- Alan Sepinwall, brilliant TV columnist for the NJ Star-Ledger,(his Mad Men recaps rock my world), interviewed Mad Men creator, Matthew Weiner about the season 2 finale. Don't worry he doesn't give away anything!

- The Simpsons annual Treehouse of Horror episode premieres on November 2nd, and it features a Mad Men-esque opening credits montage showing Homer falling through the sky, passing by skyscrapers covered in billboards and advertising imagery. The segment is cleverly titled "How to Get Ahead in Dead-vertising". This is why The Simpsons is so brilliant because it never stops satiring current pop culture.


- Ever wonder where the Mad Men locations are supposed to be in NYC? Well, thanks to Gridskipper, you'll find out where Rachel and Don met for their first client meeting, where Pete and Trudy's 2 bedroom apartment is located, and where Don and Roger have their booze and oyster-filled lunch. This is the ultimate Mad Men guide to New York.

- On the AMCTV Mad Men blog, each week Matthew Weiner does a short video called "Inside Mad Men", where he describes his analysis of the episode, each focusing on a specific theme. This is the one he did for last week's episode "The Mountain King":

Marilyn: The Things She Left Behind

Beautifully written article about the items Marilyn Monroe left behind after her tragic and untimely death. God, she was amazing. Her beauty and luminescence were incomparable. Angelic, and yet a sex goddess. A woman, and yet a lost child, eternally looking for love in a lonely and sad world she didn't understand.

Marilyn Monroe’s death received front-page coverage throughout the world. Gay Talese reported in The New York Times that the number of suicides in New York a week after her death hit a record high of 12 in one day. One suicide victim left a note saying, “If the most wonderful, beautiful thing in the world has nothing to live for, then neither must I.” Truman Capote, writing from Spain, recorded in a letter, “Cannot believe that Marilyn M. is dead. She was such a good-hearted girl, so pure really, so much on the side of the angels. Poor little baby.” Billy Wilder, while loudly complaining that it had been taxing to direct her in The Seven Year Itch and Some Like It Hot—two of her greatest and best-loved movies—recalled that it was “worth a week’s torment to get … three luminous minutes on the screen.” In Italy, Sophia Loren broke down and wept. Joshua Logan, who directed Monroe in the film version of William Inge’s Bus Stop, paid her the ultimate compliment when he compared the “dumb blonde” character she created to Chaplin’s Tramp, one of the great comic inventions of the 20th century.

(Via Vanity Fair)

Life

Life happens when you're making other plans. - John Lennon

No truer words have been spoken.