Dick Whitman or the Guy from Simply Red?

This month's GQ has a really bad photo shoot with one of my all-time favorite leading men: Jon Hamm aka Don Draper on AMC's Mad Men. I sent one of my best girlfriend's, Jaime, two of the pictures from the layout, and as I had suspected, she didn't care for the pictures, either.

This was our e-mail:

Me: What's up with the placement of the hat?!

Jaime: What is up with My Friend Flicka in the background? You can totally tell this whole shoot was conceived by a heterosexual man who is sooo jealous of D-Drapes that he wanted to completely emasculate him and turn him into Huck Finn or by a homosexual male who thinks that what he is wearing is fetching in a hip incorrigible hobo sort of way and that all women love horses so yeah, let's throw a horse in the background and they'll go wild.

The last man a woman would want in her house is an unemployed dude with a horse. Does not matter how hot he is. Seriously, I'd take employed man with pot-bellied pig over homeless with horse any day.

I feel like Paul Rudd fills his inbox with this picture and alternate titles for it of varying levels of ridicule all day.

Me: I'm trying not to burst out laughing right now because nobody around me is going to think this is funny. I hope to God, Paul Rudd tools on him mercilessly because this is one of the worst photo shoots I've ever seen. You take one of the most ridiculously handsome men and turn him into a stable boy?!

Yeah, I think the photographer was going for the whole Dick Whitman motif, but failed miserably because even Dick Whitman wouldn't be caught dead wearing a ridiculous hat like this. And look at the way it's placed on his head! It's so 80s new wave band, I can't stand it. I feel as if he's going to break out singing "Come on Eileen" at any moment. Not sexy.

Umm, how about just throw the guy in a suit? He looks fantastic in a suit. Jon Hamm is the type of guy who was made to wear a suit. Instead, they put him in a porkpie hat, throw him in a field, and tell him to channel Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn. He's a grown man! Throw Emile Hirsch in a corn field or James McAvoy, but not Jon Hamm!

Then, I sent her the 2nd picture.

Jaime: Okay, this confirms that it is actually a hetero man who set this up...stalk of wheat in the mouth?!!!! As evidence I will hearken back to every July or August cover of Playboy in the 1980s. Due to a poignant and predictable lack of imagination on the part of hetero male America, summer issues would always feature "Southern Belles" or "Texas Debs" and would inevitably portray these women in Daisy Dukes sprawled out over classic cars or taking a much deserved nude nap in a pile of hay. But the perennial accoutrement, the piece de resistance, was always stalk of wheat or straw or hay or whatever that sh*t is in the mouth.

Seriously, who in Viking hell would think chewing on straw is sexy. Goat-f##kers, that's who. Plus it's also so cliché. Let's do a "country-bumpkin" photo shoot and let's make him pose with some straw in his mouth to really tie the ribbon up on that package. I'm sure the next issue of this magazine features Amy Adams dressed up like 40s screen siren or Jim Carey as a sad clown because no one's ever thought to shoot them that way except for everyone who has ever taken a picture of them.

If I were Jennifer Westfeldt I would f'ing sue the photographer on this shoot for defacing private property.

The Predators Are Back

From the latest editorial piece in The NY Times about the new ways in which predatory lenders are taking advantage of debt-ridden people nowadays:

"Predators of every sort have regrouped and returned to their old ways, this time as loan-modification companies, inserting themselves between hard-strapped homeowners and banks, offering to work deals — for cash up front".

I've already received a flyer in the mail from a company, telling me how I should let them loan me money to pay down my credit cards. The APR was anywhere from 7.99% to 20%. So, you're basically creating more debt for yourself just by trying to pay something off. It's robbing Peter to pay Paul, or in this case borrowing from Peter at a high interest rate to pay Paul.
(Via NY Times)

The Pieces Within the Pictures

This week, I came across my old shoebox of photos, which have chronicled the last 15 years of my life. It's pretty amazing how different a person I am now, how much I've been through, and all the people I have met on my journey. I'm not the same girl I was 10 years ago or even 1 year ago, for that matter. And for the first time in a long time, I'm content with the person I am. My life may not be perfect, but it's pretty good, and I know it will keep getting better from here.

You're Welcome

"Sing a song, get behind the piano, put on a tiny hat."

Your Cheating Heart

Passive Aggressive Notes posted this juicy tidbit from a guy named Nick, who apparently can't spell to save his life. Let this be a lesson to anybody who leaves their phone on when they're cheating.

Read from the bottom up.

Alice

Sometimes I come across things that just stop me in my tracks because they're so beautiful and creative. "Alice" is one of those experiences. Using 90% of the sound from Disney's Alice in Wonderland, a 19 year-old named Nick Bertke (his artwork is extraordinary,too) created an ambient electronic track that is gorgeous and hypnotic. You can download this track and a couple of others on Lastfm. I've watched it about 12 times now.

This is the video to "Alice":

(Via Boing Boing)

Bad Date Story: Online Dating Gone Wrong

I just got an e-mail from a woman who wanted to share this bad date story involving a real keeper she met online:

I decided to try online dating a few years ago. Many of my friends, who were happily coupled, had met their significant others this way so I figured, how bad could it be?? (Famous last words!) Eventually, I met someone I thought would be interesting. He composed a lovely email, had good grammar (very important!) and was generally pleasant over Instant Message. Also, he built and sold (and played) acoustic guitars. Awesome.

So, the day of our date he had planned to visit his parents about 2 hours away. He called me in the morning to tell me that he thought he'd be home around 6pm and he would be ready to go out around 7 or 8. Okay. Well, around 7 he called to let me know that he had just left his parents house. (WTF?) He gave me directions to his house and asked me to meet him there. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but whatever. Okay, so I get to his house at 9 (2 hours after he left his parents) and he doesn't show up until 10. (I was calling and calling but he never answered the phone...odd)

So, we meet in his parking lot and it's awkward and dark but whatever. He invites me up and I was feeling a little trepidatious about that but I go. He went into his room to change and tells me to get him a diet pepsi from the fridge (excuse me, do I live here?). I do, and when he emerges from the room, he's dressed WORSE then when he went into the room and smoking a cigarette (blech!).

He grabs the diet pepsi and chugs it then plops down on the couch. You would have thought we were an old married couple, not two people meeting for the first time. He invites me to sit next to him and I do but I said, "So are we going out?" And he said, "Nah. It's too late. We're going to watch a movie and then I'm going to play the guitar for a bit and sing to you. Do you want to smoke a joint I found at my parents house? It's probably like 10 years old!" I was just shaking my head in disbelief!

As I got up to leave I noticed the worst part...HE HAD A TOUPEE!!!!! A BAD ONE! It might as well have had a chin-strap! Needless to say, we never spoke again and I LEFT QUICKLY!

Quote of the Day: Me

"I wish I were more free-thinking when it comes to issues like these, but I'm just grossed out."

Today on Jezebel, I received worst comment of the day because I made an honest statement about how I feel about the Thomas Beatie situation. Thomas Beatie is the transgendered person, who was once a woman, but is now a man or 1/2 a man because he still has a vagina.

I have no problem with transgendered people or how they live their lives. I am, however, repulsed by the pure physicality of it. I would love to be able to look at a picture of a guy with a pregnant belly and think "Wow, that's great!", but my first reaction is a visceral one and that is "Eww." Just as if I saw a bearded lady, standing there with a pregnant belly.

It's not the norm and don't pretend it's a completely every day event because it's not. I'm not going to tell you that seeing a picture of a bearded man, pregnant and holding his tummy doesn't gross me out because it does. It's visually disturbing to me and all the "good for him and his wife" sentiments aren't going to change that.

And if you are more open-minded than me, then I'm happy for you.

The Break Up

After just going through a break up myself, the one piece of advice I can give anyone who is dealing with one now is: Keep in mind that this is all happening for a reason. You and your ex were not meant to be. Fate has other plans for you and him. You will both find happiness, just not with each other. Once you are able to let go of the idea of you and this other person as a couple, you will slowly heal. The pain will fade away, and you will begin to see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel of heartbreak and loss.

This Was Cool

Wake Up to a Break Up has listed Colette's Love Bytes as one of their featured break-up blogs. It's always nice to be recognized by other sites. (Via Wake Up to a Break-Up)

Real Housewives of Atlanta

All I can really say about this is Kim can't sing for shit, and yet, she thinks she can put out an album and it will sell. She's severely delusional. She also claims she's 29 years old.

When I saw this scene for the first time, I had to change the channel because it was so embarrassing to watch. Doesn't this girl have any shame?!

The Amicable Break Up

"It was amicable. If by 'amicable', one means she solely alternates between weeping and blind rage." - One of my best friends, explaining his recent break up.

Break These Chains of Love

The other night, I met up with one of my good friends, a guy I've known for about 8 years now, for dinner. After dinner, as we were having a couple of drinks, my friend told me a hilarious story, and it was too funny not to share. He said one night after work (he's a waiter), he stopped by this hotel bar to have a couple of drinks before last call. He said that it was the only bar in the area that was open until 2am, and it was the last call spot for all the waiters/waitresses.
One mixed drink = $13
Hitting up a bar for a couple of drinks after a stressful shift = Priceless.

He sat down at the bar and started talking to a girl in her 20s who was there by herself, drinking Jameson straight and sketching in her notepad. She was the artsy type. They struck up a conversation and hit it off. They wanted to keep the party going. He told her that he had rum at his apartment, and she said that her friend had some weed at hers.

They made a couple of pit stops and then went back to her place to get really drunk and stoned with one of her friends. Around 4am, the girlfriend left and the two crazy kids started going at it. He said it was getting kinky and that she was pretty wild and adventurous. She introduced some metal handcuffs into the situation, and although he was hesitant to wear handcuffs, he agreed after she assured him that she had the key.

So, they did their thing, and then he asked her to get the key to the handcuffs. It was now 6 in the morning, and he had a lunch shift at the restaurant where he worked. He needed to get the handcuffs off, go home, take a shower, and go to work. However, there was a wrench in the plans: she couldn't find the KEY. She had no idea where it was. They tried busting the lock. They tried pulling them off, but nothing worked. This is when my friend started freaking the fuck out.

What do you do when you are in a set of handcuffs in some random one night stand's apartment and you have work in a few hours? He called a locksmith. A FUCKING LOCKSMITH! The guy came to the apartment and had to free him from a set of handcuffs. Can you imagine?! I mean, that must've made the guy's year because that is hilarious, and guaranteed, any time that locksmith gets drunk with a group of people, he tells that story. How could he not?!

My friend had to pay $100 to get his wrists freed from the metal cuffs. He had to call into the restaurant where he worked and told the manager that "he was in a bind", but the manager was pissed and wasn't going to let it slide, telling him he had to come in. So, what did my friend do? He told his manager that he was in a pair of handcuffs and wouldn't be out of them by opening. The guy was dumbfounded, as anybody would be in that situation.

In the end, my friend got written up for missing a shift, which makes me wonder if that little tidbit of information was put in his file: "Got handcuffed by some random chick and missed work." Yeah, that's definitely a restaurant industry no no.

Fashion From Within

This is a really weird design by artist, Rachel Wright, featured on Etsy. This vintage style slip dress is called "Scapular". I'm sorry, but I don't find this appealing in the slightest. It just reminds me of Slim Goodbody from Captain Kangaroo; and I couldn't deal with the look then, and I definitely can't deal with it now.


Kudos to the woman who has enough guts to wear this.
(Via Boing Boing)

Hollywood Bombshells

Egotastic reports that there is a new coffee table book by photographer, Timothy White, called Hollywood Pinup, and it features sexy 1950s-style pinup photos, featuring a bevy of celebrity beauties.

Elisha Cuthbert looking gorgeous as a Brigitte Bardot-esque beauty.

Tea Leoni bringing the sex appeal as a blonde bombshell. Very Marilyn Monroe.

Gina Gershon looking sultry and beautiful. This woman does not age!

Cindy Crawford looking nothing like herself and that's not a good thing. I wish her face had appeared a little softer because she's a beautiful woman, but this photo does not do her justice. Her body is incredible. Wow.

Chocolate Amnesia

Dove Chocolate has an ad about a woman who loves chocolate so much that she can't stop eating it even when she experiences a rather negative physical side effect.

(Via Adverbox)

Heavenly Creature: Kate Winslet

These are the latest pictures from the Steven Meisel photoshoot with Kate Winslet for Vanity Fair. She's frigging gorgeous. I love that he made her look like the classic French beauty and actress, Catherine Deneuve. These pictures are to die for.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

NY Times columnist, Frank Rich, has a really interesting take on Obama and why he's such a powerful candidate in this tumultuous election.

Obama doesn’t transcend race. He isn’t post-race. He is the latest chapter in the ever-unfurling American racial saga. It is an astonishing chapter. For most Americans, it seems as if Obama first came to dinner only yesterday. Should he win the White House on Tuesday, many will cheer and more than a few will cry as history moves inexorably forward.