Bulls and Bears: Jim Cramer Gives America Some Advice

Holy shit! What is the world coming to if Jim Cramer is telling people to pull out money from the stock market!? He said to pull out money you might need in the next 5 years as soon as friggin' possible. Jim Cramer doesn't look good: he looks like he hasn't eaten or slept in days, and is it just me, or does he seem like he's ready to have an emotional breakdown? I'm just waiting for Suze Orman to crack, and then you know we're completely screwed.

And the next person who utters the expression "201(k)" is going to get a bitch slap. Yeah, we get it, the economy sucks. You don't have to make up goofball puns, regarding our economic futures. K, thanks.

Watch the video via Gawker

The First Date: To Pay or Not to Pay

Judy McGuire, Seattle Weekly's resident dating columnist, answers some cheap dude's question about how come women are supposed to be so evolved and yet they insist men pay for them on dates. Ugh, I hate guys like this. They miss the point, entirely. I thought Judy's response was good, but it sparked quite a few comments. Apparently, this is a real hot bed issue. Who knew!

"Why is it that career women who claim to be "independent" and "liberated" suddenly become "traditional" when the dinner check comes? Women claim to want "equality," but shirk that equality when it's time to pay for the mating ritual. Can you explain logically why so many women want to enjoy both the gains of feminism and the benefits of Victorian traditionalism?...[blah, blah, blah]

And why, when women have become so financially successful, are men expected to buy a woman an engagement ring, but women are not expected to buy a man anything? Do you think a good solution would be to require a woman to buy an equal gift, or to do away altogether with the tradition of engagement rings?"

Judy's response:

"...So yes, if you want to argue that young, white, college-educated women living in cities that you pretty much have to be loaded to afford in the first place should spring for their own empanadas, I'm right with you. In fact, I have no problem at all paying for my own meal—never have, even if the dude makes more than I do. But don't try to tell me there's no wage gap. Perhaps in your rarefied world there isn't, but for the rest of us out here it's real—and really fucking annoying.

But I can't speak for all women. As I mentioned, I'm happy to pay my share (and then some) on a date. However, many if not most women feel different. They expect a guy to shell out, at least on the first date. And you're certainly allowed to disagree with that.

Here's a crazy idea: If you don't want to pay for dinner or drinks, don't offer. When the check comes, whip out your pocket calculator, figure the tip, and tell her how much she owes. (That doesn't mean you should itemize the bill. Even if she ate more and had a dessert and a third Slippery Nipple, just split it down the middle.)

Nor am I one of those broads who dreams of a giant engagement ring that costs three months' salary, or whatever bullshit figure the diamond industry is currently touting. If he wants to get me something that costs thousands, I'd rather have a car or a down payment on a house—or about a bazillion other things that don't involve sparkly rocks.

However, some of my best friends have fancy engagement rings, and I don't begrudge them that. Shiny gemstones make them happy, so how is that any skin off my (or your) ass? Just find a girl who doesn't give a shit. We're out there."

This guy is a jackass. Feminism and Victorian traditionalism have nothing to do with going on a date and having the guy pay. Guys should pay on a first date because it shows the woman that he gives a shit, or at least cares enough, to dole out some money. What men don't understand is this separates the good guys from the losers. Want to make a good impression on your date? Then, pay for her. That doesn't mean you have to take her to a five-star restaurant, but if you can't pay for a couple of drinks and maybe an appetizer, then you have some issues. Most likely, you are as emotionally cheap as you are financially. I've never met a good guy who didn't pay for a date - ever.

And he wants to get rid of engagement rings. This guy sounds like a real winner. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. "Oh, I don't believe in engagement rings. It's sexist, and it promotes 'Victorian traditionalism'". To which his fiancee responds: "You've got to be kidding me. Now you listen to me. You're going to go out and buy me an engagement ring, you cheap fuck, or I'm not going to marry you. So, save the cherry Life Saver ring and heartfelt promises and shove them up your ass. And another thing, if you ever use the term 'Victorian traditionalism' again, I'm going to dump your sorry ass and tell everybody we know that you have a teeny-tiny penis. You got that, Mr. Moneybags?"
"Uh, ok."

Colette on BitchBuzz: The New and Improved Jerk

Last week, I wrote an article for BitchBuzz about a new breed of your typical jerk. He'll love you and leave you, and he won't give it a second thought. These people are emotional sharks. Don't get too close, or they will tear your heart to shreds.

(Via BitchBuzz)

Mad Men: The Inheritance

For all you die-hard Mad Men fans out there, what did you think of last night's episode? I thought it was really well-written, and I love seeing Helen Bishop's son, Glen (played magnificently by Matthew Weiner's son), interact with Betty Draper. At one point, he was wearing Don's white t-shirt, and he was sitting next to her, and it was almost as if he had taken on the role of her husband. It was sweet, especially the way Betty was on the couch next to him, sipping a Coke out of a straw and holding his hand.

It seems as if Betty is just a child, and sometimes Glen seems like the adult. It's a strange relationship, and there's so much sadness between the two of them. They are both lonely, and somehow they find comfort within each other. They are soul mates, in some strange way. I would love to think that in 15 years, they will somehow find each other again. I don't see her relationship with Don lasting. He obviously doesn't love her, since he cheats on her all the time; not to mention, he's completely in love with Rachel Menken. Betty deserves somebody wonderful and who will love her with everything he has. Maybe adult Glen could be that guy for her.

Also, did you see how Betty was snapped back into her adult reality when Carla and her children came back to the house? She let go of Glen's hand and changed back into adult Betty. That's when she called Glen's mother, Helen, and had her come to the house to get her "lost" son. He had wanted to "rescue her", and he told Betty how much he hated her, to which Betty said "I know." For one fleeting moment, Glen had Betty all to himself. She was his girl, and nobody could take that away from him.

Any thoughts on this episode?

Candy Cane Chic

Viktor & Rolf, two Amsterdam designers who just released their special online fashion show, starring the beautiful and willowy, Shalom Harlow. She appears as every model, and it's kinda cool to watch. This dress was the first look, and my favorite, by far. There's just something so fun and whimsical about it. It's kind of like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas meets high-fashion. I don't understand my love for this dress, and I don't expect anybody else to get it either. I'm starting to think if I were famous, I would be one of those women who was constantly in the "What are they wearing?!" sections of the gossip rags. My stylist would try to dress me in something refined and elegant, and I would insist that I was going to show up to the premiere, dressed like a candy cane going to a nightclub.

Watch Viktor and Rolf's innovative and fascinating online fashion show

Quote of the Day: Chuck Klosterman

I'm currently reading Chuck Klosterman's, senior writer for Spin and pop culture intellectual, "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs". It's a great book, and I had read it once before, but I don't really remember reading it, so it's kinda like I'm reading it for the first time, which sometimes happens to me after I've read a book too fast. I fly through it because I love it so much, but I don't soak any of it in. Does this happen to other people, or am I a total moron?

Klosterman writes about women's obsession with John Cusack, The Sims, Pamela Anderson being this culture's equivalent of Marilyn Monroe, etc. Good stuff, and he's very funny.

This is one of his quotes from NY Mag, back in March:

You used to be able to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people. Now, it's between hipsters and retards. I mean, either that guy in the corner in orange safety pants holding a protest sign and wearing a top hat is mentally disabled or he is the coolest fucking guy you will ever know."

No truer words have been spoken. Chuck Klosterman is my hero. He's smart, funny, and knows everything there is to know about pop culture.

How To Be a Playboy Playmate

Radar has a great article about the Playboy mansion, the lifestyle, and how to be a Playmate. Apparently, this scandalous information was given to Radar by a former magazine employee. According to this secret source, Holly was a wanna-be who hung out in the mansion, but she wasn't pretty enough to grab Hef's attention. So, the desperate blonde gave herself a full cosmetic make-over, and then Hef liked her.

Ironically, when number one girlfriend Holly first met Hef, she had dirty blond hair, small boobs, and was a bit chunkier. Even though she partied Playboy-style at the mansion, Hef never paid attention to her, no matter how hard she tried. Holly thought she would change things up and make herself into what he wanted. She bleached her hair, lost some weight, added on a few assets, and before she knew it, she was calling him Puffin.

Sounds like a great relationship.

Another juicy tidbit: Hefner let a tranny service him after a party. The guy is so old that he probably thought it was a real woman. Eww.