The Grass is Always Greener

This week, I had the pleasure of spending time with three different girlfriends. It was nice to spend some quality chick time, and I had a great time doing it. Each woman is in a completely different dating/relationship situation. One is living with her boyfriend but neglected; one is single and looking; the other is in a relationship, but isn't sure if it's the right one. It was fascinating to see how these three women, all smart and beautiful were so unhappy with their current situations. It got me thinking: is anybody really "happy" in their relationships?

How many people do you really know who are truly satisfied in their dating/relationship situations? I can't really think of anybody, and that's the truth. I can't stand those people who pretend to have amazing relationships where they never fight, and life with their partners is one big fairy tale. You know what I say to those people? "GIMME A FUCKING BREAK!" I love my boyfriend, and we have a decent relationship, but do we fight with each other? Absolutely. We have disagreements, and sometimes we have fights. It's all part of having a relationship. I cannot imagine not fighting; it would be weird. How could you possibly get along with a person so well? I have days where I absolutely am head over heels with my guy, but I have also have days where I don't even want to look at him. I'm sure he feels the same way about me. I think it's perfectly normal not to live a fairy tale.

My girlfriends complained to me how they weren't satisfied. The women who were in relationships talked about how they were happier and more fulfilled when they were single, and the single one said she was lonely and wanted to find a guy. So, basically no matter what your situation is, you're most likely gazing over the other side of the fence staring at the grass. Even I catch myself doing it. There are some days, especially after having a nasty fight with my boyfriend, I think life was so much easier when I was single. Then, when I actually think about the days of my single life, I cringe because I remember how miserable and lonely I was. I desperately wanted to find a guy who would love me and treat me right. It took me a long time to find him, and that journey was full of heartbreak, suffering, and loneliness. It's not easy being single; I know that. However, I want my lovely and young girlfriend to enjoy her life as a single girl, a life full of freedom and reckless abandon. I would like for her to take full advantage of her life now, so she doesn't regret it later. When she's in her 30's and married with children or just in a serious, long-term relationship, she needs to look back at those wonderful years as something special, instead of what I saw them as: years I would like to forget.

When I was single, I was so focused on not being with anybody that I couldn't enjoy my life. I was sad, and I may have hid it in front of my friends, but at night when I was by myself I would cry myself to sleep. I wanted love in my life because I thought it was the missing puzzle piece. I thought it would solve all my problems; it doesn't. As my other two girlfriends know, love creates more problems. It makes life more complicated. It's no longer about you anymore. You now have a person who relies on you for comfort, stability, and love. You have to give him everything you have without losing yourself in the process. There are days you get ignored, and you feel very lonely. You sit by yourself as your guy neglects you because he is too caught up in whatever he's going through at the time. His problems become your problems. So now, instead of just dealing with your own issues, you have somebody else's as well. You try hard to give him everything he needs and wants, but some days he needs too much. You give and give, but you get little in return.

Men just don't understand what women need. This is the reason why so many relationships don't last. They have no clue. Women need affection and compliments. They need somebody to listen to them, somebody who will have a conversation with them. Women want to feel wanted. I can't tell you how painful it is when you are neglected in a relationship. It's the loneliest you will ever feel. You feel like a ghost in the room. You don't feel loved. My girlfriends know that feeling all too well. Unfortunately, I do too. You pretend it doesn't bother you, but then the tears roll down your face. You don't want to cry, but you can't help it. You just want him to hold you, but instead he acts like you're not there. It's a lonely existence. My girlfriends know this loneliness, but they don't know what to do. Do they break up with these guys, only to meet new guys who will do the same thing? Do they deal with it, living in unhappiness? I don't know the answer. I have chosen to deal with it because I love my boyfriend, and I understand that he doesn't know how much he hurts me sometimes. I've tried keeping myself fulfilled in other ways: reading, writing, or just spending 20 minutes at the gym trying to look and feel better.

My mom has always told me, "A man will not fulfill a woman. A woman must fulfill herself." It's not romantic, but it's the truth. And, this week, I saw three perfect examples of it. It was so sad to see three amazing women who were trying so hard and getting so little. One is hoping that her live-in boyfriend will show her some affection, instead of falling asleep on the couch after dinner, and the other desperately wants her boyfriend to take her out to dinner, something he never does. These women ask for so little, and yet they get even less. I saw the sadness in their eyes as they told me their stories. I saw the pain they were trying to hide. I wanted to hug them and tell them that it would be alright, but the truth is I don't know if it will be. I don't know if things will ever get better for them. I hope with all my heart they do. I wish their men see what they're not giving them. Yet, I also want them to realize that true fulfillment comes from within.

The grass may appear greener on the other side, but it's not necessarily better.