He's Great Because He's Unavailable

How many times have you met the perfect guy: intelligent, funny, successful, and sexy as hell? You want him...badly. However, Mr. Perfect is only giving you 1/2 his time. Sometimes he calls you. Sometimes he doesn't. He pulls disappearing acts for days at a time. He cancels on you at the last minute. Yet, you continue to see him. You make excuses for him. You tell yourself that he really likes you, but he has so many other things going on. These are some of my all time favorite excuses for an unavailable man, and I've used them a million times:

1) "He's really busy...(at work, school, with his family, dealing with an illness", etc.)
2) "He's scared of love."
3) "He doesn't like to be tied down."
4) "He's coming out of a really bad relationship."
5) "He doesn't want to admit how much he likes you."
6) "He's depressed."
7) "He's stressed."
8) "He's still figuring out what he wants."
9) "Things will change once he feels more comfortable."
10)" We have conflicting schedules."

Ok, so what do you do? You spend hours analyzing, debating, and picking apart conversations and meaningless gestures of affection he may have sprinkled on you here and there. You and your girlfriends stay up all night, discussing each other's almost boyfriends. So, then these men DON'T have good reasons why they're slightly around, only when they want to be; never when you want them to be? Oh, they have a good reason. It's just not the one you want. Why are they unavailable? Simple. They don't like you enough; they like you slightly, just not enough.

Sure, they'll call you every now and then. They may even go on some half-assed date with you. But then, try to get a hold of them the next day: they're unavailable. You may leave a message for them to call you back. Then, they'll call you back a few days later. "Oh, hey I got your message. I've been so BUSY." And, the sad part is you believe them. You believe them even you know in the back of your mind, it's just a cover for the truth. However, you don't want to face the truth. You want to believe that this guy is crazy about you because it would be a blow to your self-esteem if he weren't.

Years ago, when I was really naive, I dated a guy. I was absolutely crazy about him. He was smart, funny, and he looked like Patrick Dempsey...just like him! I was in love with him. At the time, I was just having fun, and I liked his company. It had been a while since my last two relationships, each of which had ended on a sour note, and I got caught up in being in love. I thought he was great. Sure he only saw me a couple times a week, and I never visited or even saw where he lived. He was awesome.

Oh, there were several times he made plans with me and stood me up. There were many nights I drove all the way into the city to find myself alone in a bar or restaurant, waiting and waiting as people stared at me in pity. I was a fool. I wanted to be loved so badly that I threw myself at somebody who liked me as a friend, but he didn't have any real feelings for me. Instead of paying attention to the way he treated me, I focused on my feelings for him. I was delusional, and I made a ton of excuses for somebody who could care less about me.

I remember after about 6 months of almost dating, I told him how I felt about him. That was a moment of time I will never forget: the look in his eyes and how he told me in the nicest of ways that he didn't have the same feelings. I was devastated. However, my delusions got the best of me once again. I remained friends with him. Until one day, he took off on me; he relocated with his company and never even told me. I wasted almost a year on a man who did not love me and did not want to be with me. I think if anything, he felt bad for me.

Learn from somebody who knows: if a guy is not giving you attention and only spends time here and there with you, he's not the guy. Walk away. Don't let somebody make a fool of you. Worse, don't let somebody pity you for having feelings they don't.