I have been trying to watch this season of Bravo's The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but it's boring. I watch 15 minutes of it and turn the channel. Kyle is a mean girl. Yeah, we get it. There is nothing interesting about her schtick. I've been around enough bitches in real life, to know how they are shallow and vapid. She is no different. She needs to be the center of attention at all times. She gossips about the other women, and treats the new housewives poorly. Snore.
Brandi is the wild child who says whatever she wants because she has no filter. She's basically an asshole, but we're supposed to think of her as a "free spirit." She's always raving about how she's so sexual. She's drilled that into everybody's heads and then gets upset when somebody calls her a "slut." Nobody should ever be slut shamed, but don't be shocked when it happens in a group of catty women, especially these Botoxed beasts. You can like sex without having to talk about it all the time. She's made sex her identity. I acted like that in my 20s, then I grew up. She's in her 40s. Brandi always seems as if she switched personalities with a 17 year-old girl like they do in those Freaky Friday-type movies. She loves getting drunk, wooooo-hoooooo! There is a small window in your 20s when it's acceptable to be the drunken mess at parties: That window closed for her 2 decades ago.
Carlton is my favorite because she seems like a strong woman with an authentic personality. I could watch her all day, side-eyeing the women when they say something she doesn't like. She's a witch, loves animals, can appreciate a full moon and pagan holidays, lives in a Gothic castle, and has a banging body. She also thinks Joyce is awful and says stupid shit, and I adore her for that. Whenever Joyce comes on, I say "Who?" Joyce has the personality of a walnut. I roll my eyes every time she speaks as well. Carlton, I got you, boo.
Lisa is British, and lovely, and reminds me of Meryl Streep's character in the movie, She Devil. Lisa lives in world filled with soft lighting and pink and white roses. I'm always curious how long it takes her to get ready in the morning. I can't imagine she ever steps out of the house with no make-up and sweats. Just watching how made up she is exhausts me. Some days, I leave the house without showering. She makes me feel like less of a woman. I would guess her nighttime skin regimen consists of lotions and creams made from real exotic pearls. I'm sure she takes candlelit bubble baths as Vivaldi's The Four Seasons softly plays in the background.
Yolanda is one of my favorites, because she has a huge framed photo of herself when she was younger, sprawled naked on the beach, in the living room. They entertain family and guests where her tanned, cocoa-buttered, nude body is on full display. I love that. I'm all for being slightly narcissistic and vain when it comes to loving yourself and your physical appearance. I see nothing wrong with it. If you are that gorgeous and have a fantastic body, you might as well flaunt it. Take a picture now and hang that shit on the wall, because you only have that face and body for so long before age catches up. Yolanda is often seen working out in all white spandex, picking lemons from the orchard surrounding her mansion, or decorating with candles and fresh flowers. All the housewives go ape-shit for flowers. If you don't have fresh, cut flowers in your house on a daily basis, you are a heathen, end of story.
Kim is Kyle's older sister, but Kyle acts more like a mom, which is incredibly obnoxious. If I had a sister who perpetually nagged me, I would drink and do drugs, too. Kim is sober, but she's still a lovable, discombobulated mess. On my worst days, Kim is my spirit animal. And my best days, unfortunately. Everybody likes Kim, because she's kooky, but an incredibly good-hearted person. Everybody treats Kim like she's slow. With the exception of Kyle, I can't remember the last housewife who was mean to her.
What does everybody think of this season? Who are the housewives you love? Who are the ones you hate? Which one bores you?
No comments:
Post a Comment