Darkest Before the Dawn

Some moments in life are easier than others. I'm going through one of those really tough times. I'm trying to figure out what the next chapter of my life will bring. It's always darkest before the dawn. I know whatever will become of this will make me stronger in the end.

Very True

Dating Advice

I'm gaining a lot of new ideas lately about dating and relationships. I'm seeing things from different perspectives, and I'm analyzing all the forms of communication that men and women use during the dating phase. I'm observing how the courting process works in the 21st century and how men and women's roles have changed throughout the decades.

I have spent over 15 years dating, and I have a tremendous amount of experience: I've met many men, had many heartbreaks, and have had great loves. I have a lot of knowledge to share, and I hope to someday help as many women as I can. My goals are set high right now to reach a large scale audience. The funny thing about giving advice is it's easier to listen to other people's advice than know what is right in your personal situation.

Finding love can be one of the most difficult experiences: Because love can be elusive; love can tear your heart out; love can appear when you are the least ready for it; love can be terrifying and beautiful all at the same time.

My dating life in years past was a roller coaster. I never knew what would happen next. I always wanted to find the man who was right for me, and I never could. I cried my share of tears. I hope that my difficult experiences can help somebody out there.

I want to help broken-hearted women to heal. I want to let women who cry every night in loneliness that there is light through the darkness. I want to teach women how to date without tearing their hair out. I want to show women that they never have to settle. I want to help women see how amazing they are with or without a man.

Burnt Out from Dating?

Take a break from it. Give yourself a few months to just enjoy your life guy-free without trying to meet somebody. It will be a liberating experience. Pamper yourself. Buy yourself some new clothes, sexy heels, or lingerie to feel good.

Buy some new music. Plan a brunch outing every month with some girlfriends. Take some time out for you. Get in touch with what makes you truly happy. Recharging the dating batteries is one of the best things you can do when you're sick of dating and can't meet anybody decent.

True Blood's Joe Manganiello

Holy hotness.


(Via Oh No They Didn't)

The Beauty in Appreciation

I have a girlfriend. She's in her 30s, has had several tumultuous relationships, has been deeply hurt in the past, has dated her share of losers, alcoholics, moochers, narcissistic guys who didn't care about her feelings; and through it all, she believed that one day she would find a fantastic man. And, she did. When we discussed this new man in her life, I remember something in the conversation that really resonated with me: She said "If I had met him anytime earlier in my life than I did, I wouldn't have appreciated him as much as I do now.

I met somebody recently. I am constantly amazed by how wonderful he is and how well we click together. I know exactly what my girlfriend was talking about. I don't think I could possibly have appreciated him years ago than I do right now. It's as if I had to go through all the bullshit to get to where I am today, to feel what I do for him, to recognize how incredible he is. All I can be is grateful that I found somebody at the exact right time in my life. They say timing is everything, and it is.

When You Close a Door

I let go of hoping for a future with somebody, and I closed the door once and for all. When I closed the door, a new door opened. I met somebody, and I can't even believe how wonderful he is. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. It's the best door I've opened in a while...

I just realized that I met him a couple weeks after I wrote this post about my painful experience last year...new beginnings indeed.

Savage Beauty

Alexander McQueen was a tormented genius: Just look at this dress.

Music I'm Listening to...

How Did I Get Back Here?

I hate when you meet somebody who has a special hold over you, and no matter how much time passes, that feeling never seems to fade. It never weakens, and sometimes it seems as if it's stronger than before.

I fell for somebody hard 2 years ago. I loved everything about his personality, his sense of humor, and his big heart. He had just broken up with his girlfriend of 6 years. He was 23 at the time. There's a 10 year difference between us, so it's not the best situation. He's 25 now.

He's young, and he has a lot of living to do. I'm 35, and I've already done a lot of my living. I went through my 20s. I was foolish, irresponsible, and I made lots of mistakes. He needs to do the same. At the moment, he's stuck in sand, living in the past and not moving forward in any aspect of his life. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But none of it is my problem. He needs to figure it out on his own.

I hadn't seen him in 2 years. I visited him at his family's country home in Vermont. I fell again even though I didn't think I would. It was like time had stood still. Nothing had changed between us. He was still pining over the ex whom had left him, and I was still wondering why he couldn't see how amazing I was through the haze of his last relationship.

Nothing had changed. I wondered "How did I get back here again?" I left him as I always do, with a pit in my stomach, and my heart hurting from how much I wanted to be with him. The feeling subsided in a couple of weeks, as I knew it would, but leaving him is so hard. It always has been. I'm guessing it always will be.

Adorable Flower Pot Cake

Via Buzzfeed

Glee: Rolling in the Deep

Amazeballs! I love Jonathan Groff. I also love Lea Michele's chemistry with Jonathan even though he's gay and they're best friends in real life. This rendition of Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" was fantastic.



Adele's Version


Super sexy picture from "Spring Awakening." Ooof, I love him.

The End of the Painful Chapter

Last year I was involved with somebody. I considered him a friend before anything, but there was more too it as well. Our relationship was somewhat complicated and yet completely simple because there was a comfort level between us as if we had known each other for years. We were together all the time, and I felt a connection with him. We weren't completely together. We weren't in a committed relationship. He had told me that he was getting over a break-up, but little did I know, there was so much more.

He had a serious drug addiction. He was in his "I'm going to get clean and start a new life" phase. He had been in and out of treatment. He had a pattern of stealing from his girlfriends. Unfortunately, he repeated this pattern with me. There were so many lies, so much deception, and manipulation. He had me twisted around his little finger.

I loved him. I cared about the person I thought he was. I fell in love with the person he showed to me. I didn't know anything else. He had put a blindfold over my eyes. The only truth I knew was his truth, a twisted version of reality. It mirrored his dreams of how he wanted to be perceived. Nobody knew him here, so he could be anybody. He liked that he could tell me stories about the person deep down he wanted to be and I would believe every word. I was his perfect audience. He loved talking to me and now I know why.

I'm still dealing with the pain of it all. I know it's been several months. I'm trying as hard as I can to get over this, but he hurt me in ways unimaginable. I've never had anybody do what he did to me. It's as if he had broken a piece of my soul. I haven't dated anybody. I haven't even been interested in the opposite sex.

I was devastated when everything fell apart. My heart shattered. He left (ran actually, to go on a bender), met another drug addict and plastered her Facebook wall with how much he loved her; but before all that, he stole from me as he was whispering sweet nothings in my ear about how he was falling in love with me. The money he took from me he used to get hotel rooms, drugs, and food with his new "girlfriend."

The thought of opening myself up to somebody scares me. I want to fall in love. I want to find happiness, but I want true love. I don't want to settle for anything less. I want to trust somebody. I want to feel emotion again. I want to feel sexy again. Now, I just feel blank. I get sad sometimes. I cry when I talk about him. I cry when I think about him. How could somebody do that? I've asked that question so many times. I've haunted myself with the answers.

His trial is next week, May 17th. It has been postponed many times since he has been in an in-patient drug treatment program. They have been waiting for him to get out before they try him for grand larceny. I want everything to be over. I don't want to hear his name anymore. I don't want to get phone calls about the trial. I want him to disappear from my reality. I wish I could completely erase his name from my memory. But some things we are forced to remember. Some things will just always be there, whether we like it or not.

I want to be happy again, meet somebody wonderful, and move on with my life once and for all. Out of the darkness and into the light.

New beginnings...

Happy Thursday

Cat in the Hat

http://princessbeatriceandherhat.tumblr.com/

The Dress

Princess Kate's dress was perfection.

The Royal Cake

This is really scary. Can you imagine if the Royal Wedding featured a cake that looked like this monstrosity?

(Via Cake Wrecks)

Finding Myself

I discovered that something inside me has been lost for a long time. I am trying to find it again. Until I do, I have to just be by myself. My life is good. I'm happy. There are no complications. No disappointments. Nobody hurting me. Nobody to hurt. True love starts from within. If I was constantly attracting something flawed and wrong, then it had to be me; it had to be a broken piece of myself attracting the wrong people. Life is much better now in the serenity.

If You've Never Heard "The xx" Before

"Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost."
— Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

I'm So Sick of Being Blamed for Being Single

After two recent articles were published that put the blame on women for not being married, finally somebody wrote a piece that actually made fucking sense.

And so we learned how to expect literally nothing from a man. And do you know what happened because of that? We learned to let men treat us like crap. We came to believe that men were doing us a favor by settling down -- because otherwise they would be out spraying the world of willing women with their abundant seed. We were taught to be grateful if a man showed interest in us, and we became fearful at all times that he would leave us once he did. Women of my generation are still the second-class citizens of fairy tales: only now, we don't even have the chivalry or the ever-blooming roses to comfort us in our eternal boredom.

Read these two shitty articles Brienne Walsh references: Here and Here

Single girls, love yourself and stop the blame for being single and happy, instead of married to some guy you can't stand. In this society, it seems as if women are more accepted if they settle for some guy they don't really want to be with than to wait a few more years, and try to find the guy they truly love. But yeah, you're selfish. You must be some crazy, picky whore who doesn't deserve love anyways.

(Via Huffington Post)

I'm All Swampy in My Pants