Betrayed

Somebody I cared about betrayed me. I never knew what that felt like until now. It's the feeling of somebody punching you in the stomach and when you try to get them to stop, they do it again. I hope to never feel that again. I am haunted by why this person did what he did to me, after I gave him so much and cared about him the way I did. I would've done anything for him. And, what did he give me in return? He stabbed me in the fucking back. I hope he is forever plagued with the guilt and regret of what he did to me. I pray that karma comes back to him. His excuses will always be nothing but excuses to me. The damage is done. His actions sealed the coffin shut. I hope he forever regrets losing me, the one person in this world who gave a shit about him.

The Beautiful and the Damned

I let somebody into my life who tried to destroy me in the short time that we even knew each other. In the book, Lolita, there is a quote where Lolita says to Humbert Humbert: "He broke my heart. You merely broke my life." This person almost broke my life.

The person he showed to me was the person he wanted to be, but that was just a fantasy. Our life was a beautiful facade of two people spending every day together, laughing together, sharing stories, and always being there for one another. The person he truly was, was not the person I even knew.

I never knew he was an addict. I never knew he had a past. I never knew he had spent years hurting the ones who loved him the most. Because of this, he almost destroyed my life. I trusted a person that I thought he was. I didn't know there was an addict lurking behind the man I was falling in love with.

I am left to pick up the pieces of the mess he left behind. He is gone, hopefully finding the redemption he had been desperately seeking. I am here. Trying to go on with my life. Trying to make the pain go away. Trying to heal a broken heart.

The last thing I gave him before he left was the book by F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and the Damned. He was beautiful and at the moment, he is certainly damned.