I hate when you meet somebody who has a special hold over you, and no matter how much time passes, that feeling never seems to fade. It never weakens, and sometimes it seems as if it's stronger than before.
I fell for somebody hard 2 years ago. I loved everything about his personality, his sense of humor, and his big heart. He had just broken up with his girlfriend of 6 years. He was 23 at the time. There's a 10 year difference between us, so it's not the best situation. He's 25 now.
He's young, and he has a lot of living to do. I'm 35, and I've already done a lot of my living. I went through my 20s. I was foolish, irresponsible, and I made lots of mistakes. He needs to do the same. At the moment, he's stuck in sand, living in the past and not moving forward in any aspect of his life. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But none of it is my problem. He needs to figure it out on his own.
I hadn't seen him in 2 years. I visited him at his family's country home in Vermont. I fell again even though I didn't think I would. It was like time had stood still. Nothing had changed between us. He was still pining over the ex whom had left him, and I was still wondering why he couldn't see how amazing I was through the haze of his last relationship.
Nothing had changed. I wondered "How did I get back here again?" I left him as I always do, with a pit in my stomach, and my heart hurting from how much I wanted to be with him. The feeling subsided in a couple of weeks, as I knew it would, but leaving him is so hard. It always has been. I'm guessing it always will be.
